Insecurities

all my life I've been fighting to be taken serious by adults.

so overwhelmed

I LOVE YOU
ALL OF YOU
I LOVE THE WORLD

[00:06:28] Nic: Petey
[00:06:58] Petey: Nic
[00:07:06] Nic: I need someone to talk to or I'm gonna explode
[00:07:21] Petey: oh
[00:07:23] Petey: why?
[00:07:40] Nic: I'm having an emotional breakdown I guess
[00:07:48] Petey: oh :O
[00:07:50] Nic: I'm in tears
[00:07:54] Nic: tears of happiness
[00:07:58] Petey: oh
[00:08:08] Petey: whys that a breakdown? o.O
[00:08:10] Nic: I'm so overwhelmed
[00:08:17] Nic: have no idea what to do
[00:08:21] Nic: I'm just crying
[00:09:17] Nic: I don't know
[00:09:22] Nic: I can't say breakup
[00:09:24] Nic: :)
[00:09:33] Nic: though it's an up
[00:10:02] Nic: (hug) (hug) (hug) (hug) (hug)
[00:10:05] Petey: tell me what happened ffs
[00:10:19] Nic: Dominik happened. that's all
[00:10:37] Nic: I'm so much in love, my heart is beating totally fast
[00:10:46] Nic: my system is weird
[00:10:51] Nic: my stomach turns
[00:11:07] Nic: I had the most amazing night of my life
[00:11:30] Petey: ic
[00:12:23] Petey: what did he do?
[00:12:31] Petey: or what did you two do i guess?
[00:12:57] Nic: can I start with the best part?
[00:13:05] Nic: he kissed me
[00:13:17] Petey: why dont you just start at the beginning lol
[00:13:27] Nic: I don't know
[00:13:52] Nic: I don't wanna tell you.. if I tell you I won't blog about it
[00:14:32] Petey: oh
[00:14:39] Petey: then i guess i'll have to wait :P
[00:14:50] Nic: is that ok with you?
[00:15:03] Petey: yeah lol
[00:15:15] Nic: oh my god, look at me... I'm a mess... the tears won't stop
[00:15:34] Petey: lol
[00:15:37] Petey: i cant look at you...
[00:15:59] Petey: well i can, but its just a pic...
[00:16:54] Nic: :)
[00:16:59] Nic: I love you
[00:17:03] Nic: I love the world
[00:17:15] Nic: I love your dad
[00:17:19] Petey: O_O
[00:17:20] Nic: I love your fishtank
[00:17:25] Petey: lmao
[00:17:26] Petey: wow
[00:17:38] Nic: I told you, my heart is full of love, I'm gonna explode
[00:17:57] Petey: try not to make a mess when you do
[00:17:59] Petey: :P
[00:18:22] Nic: (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug)

[00:20:20] Tylertgbh: :)
[00:20:25] Tylertgbh: i'm not very good with words :P
[00:20:30] Tylertgbh: (hug)
[00:20:43] Nic: thank you so much
[00:20:56] Nic: I'm just overwhelmed, that's all
[00:20:59] Nic: I LOVE YOU TYLER
[00:21:12] Nic: (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug) (h) (hug)

[00:27:15] Wkboy: AWww xD
[00:27:19] Wkboy: Calm down
[00:27:21] Wkboy: tell me all about it :)
[00:28:41] Nic: I can't calm down :)
[00:28:44] Nic: I LOVE YOU WICKY

[00:26:25] Lloydie!: OMG!!!!
[00:26:31] Lloydie!: *jealous*
[00:26:35] Lloydie!: ;(
[00:26:41] Lloydie!: im so happy for you!
[00:26:48] Nic: :) I LOVE YOU LLOYD
[00:29:26] Lloydie!: so did u have a wonderful valentines?
[00:30:04] Nic: YESSSSSSSSS
[00:30:57] Lloydie!: naaaaw!!!
[00:31:07] Lloydie!: where did u go for your date?
[00:32:16] Lloydie!: was it somewhere romantic?
[00:32:28] Nic: I won't tell you
[00:32:36] Nic: cause if I do, then I won't blog about it
[00:32:40] Nic: and I so wanna blog about it
[00:33:38] Lloydie!: ok!
[00:33:46] Lloydie!: blog about it!
[00:33:49] Nic: :)
[00:34:30] Lloydie!: how was his kiss?
[00:34:41] Lloydie!: u didnt cry when he kissed u right/
[00:36:27] Nic: no no no I didn't
[00:36:33] Nic: and it was beautiful
[00:36:41] Nic: it felt like he kissed me for the first time
[00:36:46] Nic: I know it sounds dumb
[00:36:49] Nic: but
[00:36:59] Nic: omg, he is just a dream come true
[00:39:54] Lloydie!: (inlove)
[00:39:59] Lloydie!: im so happy for you!
[00:40:13] Lloydie!: i wish they made more dominik in the world XD

Dedicated to you

Mr. Nat "King" Cole with "Nature Boy" from the year 1947



There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise
Was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return"

When you left...

Hello Papa :o)

today, 12 years ago. you had to leave. I can't believe it has been so long already. I almost forgot about today. I was wondering why there were two candles in front of your picture on the desk.

I've lit them. I hope you can see.

Christina set some incense to burn. The whole house is smelling of it.

I want to come and see you, but it's 6 already and they close the cemetry. I know you don't want to see me there. I really don't want to be there either. You're here with me all the time anyway. And that's what counts, right papa?

Mom is gonna be home soon and she's gonna see it. I know, I already told Christina that would be bad, but she insists on remembering this day. We all miss you a lot, I hope you know that.

I hope you are doing fine where ever you are right now. Please don't be sad. I'm trying not to be sad too.

 

I don't know what to say anymore. You pretty much know everything.

I guess I'll go now.

I love you, papa. 

bye bye

your son