tears of joy

Mom is in the kitchen preparing a nice dinner. The whole house is dark-lit. A lot of candles are burning. Mom put on some old christmas cassettes/tapes.

We are listening to old recordings and whenever there is a bump or silence or a crackling mom yells "Niiiiiiic, you played with it again".

But then something happened that brought the whole house to silence...

in the middle of a song the recording  stops and you hear a little baby boy play his tiny keyboards by just pressing one key at a time... there is no real melody... just rhythmic noise... then he starts to humm along and sing "la la la la"... it's me at the age of 4 I think... and then

we hear dad in the background yelling... "enoooough, nicky, sleep already".. then you hear nothing.







I think this is the magic of christmas.

It means something to me

Well a kiss might be just a kiss to you
But baby it meant something to me
And a night to remember might be
Just a Monday in September
Baby it meant something to me

I know you try - It's gotta come from the heart
I know I believe it's the hardest part of love

And cause you can remember
The 22nd day in November
Baby you mean something to me

I know you try - Baby it's gotta come from the heart
I know I believe it's the hardest part of love

And a kiss might be just a kiss to you
But maybe it meant something
Or maybe it meant nothing
Baby it meant something to me


petesblog: Omg im awake already?!?! Ive only been asleep for 4 hrs! Damn skype kept me up until 4, but I blame @ntotheitothec and his cuteness

ntotheitothec: @petesblog @petesblog @petesblog @petesblog @petesblog  :p <3333

petesblog: @ntotheitothec #threewordsforyou - I heart you :)

ntotheitothec: @petesblog honey? marshmallow? pumpkin pie? you there?

petesblog: #wecantdate because you are 4008.06 miles away

ntotheitothec: @petesblog <3 + *HUG* just because I can

petesblog: I just made @ntotheitothec's xmas present. Had to do it while dad was out of the house cos it's kinda hard to hide while i was working on it

petesblog: i had to stand on a chair to get the pic, and even then i had to hold the camera above my head.

ntotheitothec: @petesblog thank you Petey. I love it. <4 is our thing and will always be. now give me a *********HUUUUUUG*********

petesblog: I just got an out of the blue call from @ntotheitothec on Skype to tell me "I love you and goodnight." Why does he have to be 4000mi away :(




<4 :-*

Trust

I've been gone for a long time. My computer's gone whack. I'm at my aunt's house. A lot has happened. I met some gays at school and this guy, Travis, who hungout with them. At first I hated him, but then I fell for him. I was infatuated and wanted to be around him lots. Then I told him I liked him after he asked me if I was gay. I joined the choir because he was on it (p.s. - I can't sing.) Told him on October 3rd. I didn't go to school on October 6 and I called him and asked him straight up I he liked me over the phone. He said no. There was a group of them around when I asked him. Another person asked me if I would suck his dick and I said yes. That's was my mistake! A few days later my friend, Jason (Nic, you remember Jason?) called me out and told me that he heard some things about me, the things I told Travis. I couldn't believe. Not only Jason knew, but also strangers. I was being found out and I knew that Travis couldn't no longer be trusted and neither could his friends. i am currently alienating them and staying far from them. They are trouble with a capital "T". There was a point where I felt like I had no friends and that my life was less interesting and fun than a sea sponge. I miss you guys. I don't know who I can trust here, who will be there for me when I'm down and not betray me.

darkness

You look at me and see the boy
Who lives inside the golden world
But don't believe
That's all there is to see
You'll never know the real me

He smiles through a thousand tears
And harbours adolescent fears
He dreams of all
That he can never be
He wades in insecurity
And hides himself inside of me

Don't say he takes it all for granted
I'm well aware of all I have
Don't think that I am disenchanted
Please understand

It seems as though I've always been

Somebody outside looking in
Well, here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can't take my heart from me
And they can't bring me to my knees
They'll never know the real me

papa

Why did you have to die when I was only at the age of five
So suddenly you were gone and I was left with answers hard to find
Now I think of you 'cause I'm in hunger for your warmth
That no one can replace
And I know that where I go you're always by my side
I just want to let you know...

Papa, oh I miss you sometimes
Papa, can you hear me when I cry
Papa, oh I miss you sometimes
Papa, can you hear me when I cry
For you

Your spirit never died and all your words I treasure in my heart
You left me with a smile but my cheeks aren't always dry from all the tears
So I think of you 'cause I'm in hunger for your warmth
That no one can replace
And I know that where I go you're always by my side
I just want to let you know

I love you papa

adults

Nic: well at least he apologised
Nic: still bothers me a bit
Michael: Yes.
Michael: He apologized after kicking you for a while.
Michael: Hurt still working in you.
Michael: And not stopping by a simple excuse, probably.
Nic: yes
Nic: I'm 17 not 5

Smile

Thank you, Mr. Chaplin, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.



Smile, though your heart is aching - Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky - You'll get by...

If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just

hey guys

Hey readers, sorry I haven't blogged in awhile... I got some feedback that what i put up was depressing, and i didn't mean it to be that way, so im sorry...
But now i think if i blog anything it will just be events, and not creative writings anymore.
My English teacher today, who ive never had anything but respect for, took me aside after a block period where we discussed Solzhenitizen's One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich for 80 minutes. I thought that she was going to compliment me on my job in the class discussion that day, but i was very very wrong. She told me that, on my last paper, and on my thesis for my extended esssay, i dont know what a theme is. She badgered me and humiliated me for 15 or 20 minutes, and i guess all i can say is im glad she didnt do it in front of the class...
anyways, i was and am extremely hurt by what she said to me..
Ive never done anything but put all of my effort into anything i gave her, and ive always enjoyed english more than any other class..
And i know the difference between a creative writing and a literary analysis... but I love doing both..
but for her to say the things she did....in the way she did....
it just makes me want to stop writing forever.
Anyways.... sorry for yet another depressing entry, at least this one isnt accompanied with a stupid poem.

~Jake~

it's hurting me more

...than it's hurting you

"but then I guess you have to come to terms with the fact that you're in love with a boy who is an asshole." and stupid for saying this line

5:13 AM Nov 1st

i'm sorry Domi... I'm really really sorry.

10:16 PM Nov 1st

please watch this Domi and please forgive me ♫ http://blip.fm/~fq4r8

10:22 PM Nov 1st

Listen... it is hard sitting here and waiting for you to forgive me, when all I want to do is screaming out to the world that I'm yours,

that you own me

that I am dieing on the inside without your hugs, smiles and touch

3:25 AM Nov 5th

I made a mistake, I am sorry and you know damn well I'd do anything to take it back. Please, please forgive me

it's in the middle of the night and I am awake sitting here and doing nothing else but think of you

doesn't it mean anything to you anymore that I love you?

http://bit.ly/n82v3 just read this and started crying again. when is it gonna stop hurting?

3:18 PM Nov 13th

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere. Anywhere I go, I know you're always there

6:59 AM Nov 20th

It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room there's a part of me that just wants to follow you.

6:59 AM Nov 20th

Give me a reason

7:00 AM Nov 20th

"michael, I deeply, deeply, from the very bottom of my heart love him to the moon and back. I miss him so much"

"but it's hard giving it time, time is working against me. time is eating me up. I talk and talk and talk"

"and I think and think and think about it all the time"

11:33 PM Nov 24th

dear twitter hugbots, I need a hug, please don't you reject me too

11:36 PM Nov 24th

I just got a txt message and for the first time someone referred to Dominik as my ex. It's like slapping me in the face.

9:11 PM Nov 25th