I've been missing you

I've got the roses, I've got the wine,
With a little luck he will be here on time,
This is the place we used to go,
With romantic music and the lights down low,
And as you stand there amazed at the door,
And you're wondering what all this is for,
It's just a simple thing from me to you,
The boy that I adore, 'cos there's something,
That you should know, it's that

I've been missing you, more than words can say,
And that I've been thinking about it every day,
And the time we had just dancing nice and slow,
And I said now I've found you,
I'm never letting go;

There is no reason to the things that we do,
You can break a heart with just a word or two,
And take a lifetime to apologise,
When the one you love's in front of your eyes,
And I will fall to my knees like a fool,
If it's the only way of getting through,
You see if I think you are beautiful,
Someone else is going to feel it too,So there's only one thing to do, tell you that

I've been missing you, more than words can say,
And that I've been thinking about it every day,
Well tonight's our night for dancing nice and slow,
Because now I've found you, I'm never letting go,
No, now I've found you, I'm never letting go;

I've been missing you... I've been missing you...
I've been missing you... I've been missing you, darling.

awesome tweets...

...on an awesome day

home, life is so good, I can't stress it enough. I'm sitting OUTSIDE in the garden at the garden table, the sun is shining, yet not too much.


I have my computer with everything attached to it for me to spend a long rest of the day in front of it talking to my friends on skype and


working on "Sexy Time with Nic" :o) - And as if that isn't enough of greatness on this beautiful day, mom has bought HP BBQ sauce with


woodsmoke and honey flavor. And the neighbors have put sausages on the grill and I'm gonna eat GRILLED sausage with smoke-flavored HP sauce.


oh oh oh... to top it all off: DOMI is gonna come by in about an hour. I'M IN FUCKING HEAVEN.


I think I need to blog this, cause I wanna save the image of this awesome day forever.

emotional intelligence

[19:57:44] Nic: Person?
[19:58:00] Person: what?  <-- FIRST MISTAKE
[19:58:35] Nic: I miss you a lot Person
[19:58:48] Nic: I so want to hug you right now.
[19:58:50] Nic: *sigh*
[19:59:14] Person: oh... ok <-- DON'T YOU GO OVERBOARD WITH THE DISPLAY OF YOUR AFFECTION, PERSON

I can imagine Person rolling his eyes, thinking "what does he want me to say?"

NOTHING, PERSON... NOTHING.

*sigh*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

crazy idea?

I've been toying with the idea of a podcast for a while. A talk show with segments and the occasional co-host. 20 minutes short. why not?


Charlie: @ntotheitothec interesting... any ideas on what you would be talking about?
Urs: @ntotheitothec what is stopping you to do this podcast?
Torchy: @ntotheitothec 20 mins is actually very long unless you're already established. I'd say 5 mins tops


Of course I need to have a good concept. What I wanna do is to have recurring segments.
I'd like to do 3 things, 


1. have a co host (may change every time...) or just a guest.
2. make a segment where I talk about someone's blog ("today's featured blogpost") from our community
3. talk about tweets and emails like Craig Ferguson does in his show. 


4. throwing in a song of the day maybe (not sure about the copyright stuff)


of course I need your ideas and your help. I'd like  I'm pretty sure 5 minutes is too short... a nice 20 minute episode will do just fine.


I tried recording a conversation with Lloyd earlier today on skype and it works. 
So yeah... what do you think?

Help Me

music video dedicated to my friends

I wish I could define
All the thoughts that crossed my mind
They seem too big for me to choose
I don't know which ones to lose
When I'm falling down so far
I think I'll never see your light
Bouncing off of me
Shining down here from your eyes

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrongWeak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

It's like I got the signals crossed
With messages I can't decode
Half asleep, never wide awake
And I'm in complete overload
I got so much information here
And nothing I can really grasp
I should know the truth
But I'm too afraid so I have to ask
Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

Wanna know you
More than anything
I need you
In my every dream, you're there for me
Do you love me?
For who I am, no angel
Just an ordinary man

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
But I'm still lost
And at all costs
I gotta know (gotta know, oh)

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
But I'm still lost
And at all costs
I gotta know 

couples forever?

I had this interesting conversation with a very good friend on skype. It's about eternal love and especially about my relationship with Dominik.



Nic: can I ask you something?
Anonymous: sure
Nic: do you think Domi and I have a chance to grow old together?
Nic: I mean
Nic: seriously
Nic: we're young now and in love
Nic: but is that gonna last forever?
Nic: I think about that once in a while
Anonymous: well this is what i think
Anonymous: i know that the best couples, straight and gay, are not based on sex, but usually happen after being great friends for a long time
Anonymous: so i think that the two of you are emotionally over compatible
Anonymous: however
Anonymous: i know you, and i know you fucking love to fuck
Anonymous: and i dont know domi that well
Anonymous: but something tells me that cause he's a human, he also loves to fuck
Nic: yes and we both are ok with the other one wanting to fuck
Nic: I have no probs with him fucking girls
Nic: you know that
Anonymous: sex leads to bigger feelings
Nic: and yes you've analyzed me well (in that depratment)
Nic: does it?
Anonymous: when you get older
Anonymous: and my personal philosophy, from understanding modern analysis of sexuality
Anonymous: is that it is not static for most people. it changes over your lifetime
Anonymous: subtlely for some, entirely for others, it really just depends
Anonymous: and you guys will change too... growing up makes different people out of all of us
Anonymous: and i am NOT
Anonymous: trying to say you guys will fail
Anonymous: but young people dont know what they want
Nic: I know you're not meaning to hurt me... so go ahead... it's interesting
Anonymous: i mean, in my grade
Anonymous: of about 350 people
Anonymous: we have maybe.... MAYBE.... 3 couples that will get married.
Anonymous: maybe none
Anonymous: and the couples who might get married, have been together since 8th grade... 5 years ago
Anonymous: and im not saying you guys wont stay together
Anonymous: how many couples in your school do you think will be together forever?
Nic: there are no couples in my school that are together longer than 6 months
Nic: but my school is small
Nic: Domi and I have been best friends for 4 years and a couple for over a year now
Nic: what do you think?
Anonymous: i can only speculate for the people who i THINK are going to get married, people i have seen together for 5 years... i've never seen you two interact.. i wouldnt be comfortable saying one way or the other
Nic: right
Nic: I'm not talking about marriage
Nic: I'm talking about being in love forever
Anonymous: same difference
Nic: I can't imagine the day when I realize I don't love him anymore
Anonymous: well you might love him forever
Anonymous: i could believe that
Anonymous: but will you be together forever? i cant say that

Anonymous: i can totally believe you will love him forever, i know ill love you forever, and i know people love each other forever... but love is a really, really, really losely defined and ambigous word babe....
Anonymous: i mean, your love for him is different then the love for your mom? or your love for sex? or barack obama? those are all different types of love...
Nic: yes
Anonymous: well.....my question for you, when you get back, is... if you could compare your love for domi to another kind of love, what would it be?
Nic: I can't actually compare it to any other love... cause it's a category of love on it's own
Anonymous: well what comes close to it?
Nic: my love for choclate
Nic: cause it's close to an adiction

-----------------------


Now, it would be great to hear about your opinion. Can couples in their teens be couples forever?

Basketball is my religion

I've been talking about religion a few times before. And I've mentioned that I don't do religion. I'm agnostic and I hate any kind of organized

comfort

Mika is a guy I met through Domi. He's 19 and has a car.
Last night he and his boyfriend took me and Domi out for a ride.
They had plans to go to a club but decided to just have a slow and quiet evening in respect of recent events.

We drove to this place on top of a hill and had a nice view down on the city. Mika had brought peppermint tea.
He poured everyone a cup of tea and we just sat out there in the cold and didn't talk much.

this was a very important night for me. I hardly know Mika and his bf. but that just shows me, that Domi knows to befriend the right people. they were there for me... laughed with me, they were silent with me, they were just empathetic.

Dominik - my friend, my soul mate, the person who gives me so much in life, held my hand all the time and was resting his head on my shoulder. It was cold outside and very windy... yet I could feel his warmth... and smell his hair.

thank you my friends for being there for me... both in person or in spirit. I'm glad you're in my life.

I love you
Nic

Getting it off my chest?

Saturday, noon. We just came home from Oma's funeral. So many people she was friends with. So many people who loved her. Everyone keeps telling me how much she talked about me. How proud she was of her son's kids. They mean well when they take my hand and tell me about all the things they've heard of me. They don't realize that every single word of their's hurts and reminds me of how close I was to her.

Why am I here? This blog used to be the place to get things off my chest. I always felt better after writing it down.
But the pain doesn't go away.

----------------

It's 1:45pm now. I had to go help mom with serving lunch to our guests. I have no idea what this is for? Why do you have to entertain people after a funeral?

I don't know what the point of this post is. I wanted to get stuff out of my head but it's still there. It doesn't get better. All I want now is for everyone to leave me alone. Is that too much to ask? Why do I have to function?

Oma passed away in her sleep. She died of natural causes. Her attorney gave us a pre-recorded video of her from last summer. She knew she was gonna go. What's really disturbing is that she wasn't really Oma. She was all businessy and told us what to do with her and her belongings after her death.

------------

I want to thank you all for the direct messages and emails. Although I hardly reply to them, be assured that I read them. I just need time... I can't come back on twitter or skype and pretend I'm happy.

Is there a God?

Thank God it's Friday - I say that almost every Friday. Yet I don't know who I am thanking.
He took away my dad years ago, He took away my grandma 4 days ago. Is He real?
Why do we run to Him whenever we need time to regain our strength to face the world?
Why do we run to Him if he is the Almighty and hence responsible for our loss of strength in the first place?

I do believe in Him. Not a Christian Him... I don't do religion. But I believe in Him... whoever He might be.

"I've seen your flag on the marble arch

Love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"

- Leonard Cohen. 1984 -

goodbye Oma