cuddle with me

I'm lying here and I'm looking at the door. I feel lonely in my bed, though I know you're there somewhere.
I feel emptiness cause I long for something that's not here with me. Where it should be.
I hug my pillow and close my eyes. I hold it tight.

When I open my eyes I can see your face. You smile at me and give me a wink.
Your hair is messed up but you look calm and peaceful.
Can you be more beautiful?

You put your arm around me and pull me closer.
I touch your cheek. It's red and warm.
You look at me and smile again. You kiss my hand.

If you only knew how much I want you.

I want to say something but you put your finger on my lips. You touch my nose and pinch my cheek.
I kiss your fingers one by one. I kiss your palm.
You smell so good. I take you in.
I grab your head and bring my lips to yours

But you hold me back. You touch my forehead and move your hand. You close my eyes.
Then I can feel you. I can feel you inside. You're on my lips, you're in my head, you're in my heart.
God, it's so beautiful and warm and like paradise.

I'm happy you're in my life.
I open my eyes again and look at the door. I feel lonely in my bed, though I know you're there somewhere.

But I don't feel emptiness anymore cause I know there's something that is with me. Where it should be.

together forever 

Guess Who's Back

Friends, its been awhile. School's been rough, I've been doing my best to study hard and prepare for my IB exams....which started this week. They. are. hard. basically. But they also give me a lot of time away from school, which means i have time to do fun things like this!

You haven't missed out on much....well a few things a suppose i should note:

I was waitlisted from my dream school at the university of minnisota-twin cities, and forced to apply to another school, and It looks like Im going to the university of wisconsin-milwaukee. Hope its fun, anyone live around there?

Romantically......... you haven't missed out on anything. And that makes me a little sad, cause I want to get on here and brag about my relations and how happy i am, but alas, im limited to wild speculation and the occasional pessimistic view one day and blind optimism the next..

And heres a little speculation for you ;) There is someone Im interested in. Don't know if i actually have a chance, but im trying to figure out a way to see if it'll happen. more on that later :) but i think the two of us would be great together! They DJ and mix songs, have kind of a hipster self image like i do, and love music and art.

And the best part is (or maybe worst part) that they've inspired me to start writing again. I HAVE A MUSE! hahaha so if i feel like transcribing some poems or prose later maybe you'll get a taste of what my new stuff is like.

School's been getting me pretty down lately, but for whatever reason when i see my mystery person in the halls i honestly cant stop smiling for like an hour, i feel so energized and alive just by the smallest interaction with them.

I really really hope this one works out, but at the same time I dont want to get my hopes up at all. History says its all in my head and regardless of how i feel, I'm just going to be dissapointed.

Well thats about it, i need to go get ready for my next test, its at 9am and its paper two of the Psych exam...which im pretty confident about. just saying....

personality... disordered

After answering 76 questions, a personality test had this to say about me. I'm an ENFP.
ENFPs are introspective, values-oriented, inspiring, social and extremely expressive.
They actively send their thoughts and ideas out into the world as a way to bring attention to what they feel to be important, which often has to do with ethics and current events.
ENFPs are natural advocates, attracting people to themselves and their cause with excellent people skills, warmth, energy and positivity.
ENFPs are described as creative, resourceful, assertive, spontaneous, life-loving, charismatic, passionate and experimental.

(http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/enfp/)

---

I have only one thing to say regarding last night's events.

There is nothing that will change who I am. Yes, I am hurt. And yes I feel burnt. But no matter what you do and what you say, I will not become a cynical, self-hating, anti-social person like you.

DM to friend: wow, I just read what happened last night... wtf... seriously... wtf... I seem to cause drama even when I'm not there. why are they mean 2me

DM back from friend: jealousy. some think you're too good to be true, bunch of cynical a**holes :/ dont mind them! just take it all in stride!

You think I am lucky? You think I live in a golden world? You're not happy for me? You can't grant me happiness with my boyfriend and my current life?

And you call yourself a friend?

I am a happy person... I worked hard to be where I am right now. I went through a lot of pain in my life.

Do you really want me to post about those things to make you feel better? To let you know that I am not a golden child?

I'm sorry I'm not depressed. I'm sorry I'm not an angry person. I'm sorry I don't cut myself and post pictures of it on my blog.

But if I would... would that make you happier? Think about it...

I'm done with you
Nic