Isn't it a pity

Dreams, that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face, anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good but
until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood
And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

Not over you

Damn, damn damn you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth.
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced

So until then

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

Not over you
Not over you
Not over you

Friends half around the world

My heart is filled with euphoria and happiness because I can feel my friend's love for his boyfriend. I don't know Andrew yet but I'm sure Steve will introduce us some day. Thank you for making him so happy, Andrew :o)

"One thing that we like doing is we'll both sit at the piano and I will play and he will sing. He likes the song "When Somebody Loved Me" from Toy Story 2. I happened to have that song, and I played it for him and he shed a little tear. It was so cute. He stayed the night and it was so nice waking up next to him the next morning."   -   Steve - planetx_123

Love is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

AWESOME waterfall

Adorableness

I haven't blogged in a long time. Mainly it's because I don't have much to get off of my chest. Any problems I have I either discuss with my boyfriend or if it is about my boyfriend I talk to my friends.

I'm glad to see that the first little resentments towards Greggy are vanishing. At first my friends were angry at me and at him. Because we are spending so much time with each other. They said he was hogging me.
And it is true, I do spend less time on twitter and I haven't blogged in a while and I spend a lot of time with him.

But isn't it the purpose of life to do what makes you happy? He makes me happy. Way happier than being on twitter and feeding my ego by telling the world about the things I have done and fishing for attention and compliments. I don't need that anymore.

It's because he is giving me what I need. Happiness. Laughter. Fun.

and the feeling you get when you see a puppy or a baby or something really sad or something very emotional. He gives me the feeling of being overwhelmed by whatever it is I am feeling for him. Sometimes he is so adorable, I just want to eat him up. Seriously. He should be happy there are 1000km between the two of us. He would be in danger of getting his cheeks bitten.

I love him. And yesterday I wanted to express that love through the moon. Because it was a clear night I could see the full moon. I was talking to him on skype at that moment and I asked him if he could look outside and if he could see the moon too.

[04.07.2012 23:45:54] Nic: can you look out the window?
[04.07.2012 23:45:58] Nic: do you see the moon?
[04.07.2012 23:46:02] Greggy: okey love
[04.07.2012 23:46:03] Greggy: <3
[04.07.2012 23:46:52] Greggy: honey I cant see the moon but I can pretend I do
[04.07.2012 23:46:58] Greggy: if u have something to say
[04.07.2012 23:47:00] Nic: no no
[04.07.2012 23:47:05] Greggy:  <3
[04.07.2012 23:47:08] Nic: it's ok
[04.07.2012 23:47:14] Nic: it's a full moon
[04.07.2012 23:47:14] Greggy: mwah tell me love <3
[04.07.2012 23:47:20] Greggy: meaning?
[04.07.2012 23:47:24] Nic: nothing
[04.07.2012 23:47:33] Nic: I wanted us to look at it at the same time
[04.07.2012 23:47:50] Greggy: I love you
[04.07.2012 23:47:51] Greggy: I'm sorry
[04.07.2012 23:47:51] Greggy: <3

and not a whole minute later: 

[04.07.2012 23:48:45] Greggy: honey..do you see your windows logo on the bottom left?
[04.07.2012 23:48:53] Greggy: imagine it's our moon
[04.07.2012 23:48:56] Greggy: lets look at it together
[04.07.2012 23:48:59] Greggy: now
[04.07.2012 23:49:00] Greggy: :D
[04.07.2012 23:49:07] Greggy: mwah

I rest my case. I like twitter and my friends. And I like spending time with them occasionally. But seriously... I mean, SERIOUSLY... Do you understand it now?

Words just can't describe

Hey world... I love him twitter.com/NickysBoy/stat…
— G (@NickysBoy) May 16, 2012

He makes me so happy with the smallest things.
You have to see his smile... oh his smile <3
I can picture him smiling when he took that picture.
It makes it that more special.
I love him

YOU and I are like honey and bears

Lyrics
Hi
Boy you just caught my eye
thought I should give it try
and get your name & your number
go grab some lunch & eat cucumbers
WHY, DID I SAY THAT? 
I don't know why. 
But you're smilin' & it's something' i like 
on your face, yeah it suits you
boy we connect like we have bluetooth

i don't know why
I'm drawn to you 
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
and this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add then subtract

You & I
could be like sonny & cher
honey & bears
You & I 
could be like aladdin & jasmine
lets make it happen

La La's

Hey
How've you been?
I know that it's been awhile. 
Are you tired cause you've been on my mind
runnin' thousand & thousands of miles
Sorry, I know that line's outta style
but you
you look so beautiful on this starry night
loving the way the moonlight catches your eyes & your smile
i'm captivated
your beauty is timeless never outdated

i don't know why
I'm drawn to you 
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
and this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add then subtract

babe
its been 6 months since that special day
when I asked you on our first date
i guess it's safe to say

Let me say
you look beautiful on our wedding day

Playing dirty

Every good relationship has it's ups and downs... the more you care for someone, the more intense and passionate a fight will be. However there should be rules... clear rules for fighting with your boyfriend.

I had a huge misunderstanding over something of high importance to me with Greggy and I was really really mad at him. This one was big and he knew he had screwed up so he kept on apologizing and wanting to talk to me about it when all I wanted was to be left alone and be angry. I needed to calm down and he was clearly not helping with his continuous attempts of getting to talk. Be it twitter DMs, skype, iphone messages or email.

BTW, I would like to make clear that only this time he screwed up. Usually it is me who does something stupid, But he can't stay mad at me for long... because... let's face it... I'm adorable ;)

Anyways... I was mad... really mad and I was trying to talk to someone else on skype while he kept on calling and it was getting hard to ignore him and I was so mad that I was afraid if I had taken his call I would have said really bad stuff that I would regret later.

So... eventually he stopped... for a whole 10 minutes... then he tried a new strategy... HE PLAYED DIRTY.

Out of the blue he sent me a link... I could see it was a youtube link... and my curiosity got the best of me and I had to click it. And what do I see?

(btw I renamed his skype to Honeybunny... I love him)


Honeybunny: I am trying...
Honeybunny: you say its not enough...
Honeybunny: I love you
Honeybunny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng

YES... ADELE... He posted a link to ADELE. "Make You Feel My Love"
what a cheap shot... he knows I am a big sucker for Adele.

How can I stay mad at him when he does that? So I replied:

Nic: let me be mad at you
Nic: i need to let the anger out
Honeybunny: why waste a minute of happiness with maddnes...its pointless
Honeybunny: let it out on me
Honeybunny: yell it out
Honeybunny: scream at me
Honeybunny: bite me
Honeybunny: just hug me in the end
Honeybunny: and tell me everything is gonna be alright

So... since I was still talking to my friend and trying not to think about the fight, I told him to stop writing me.

Nic: stop writing

And then,.ladies and gentlemen... here the game got really dirty... it was HUGE....
He left for 7 minutes then sent me a recorded memo on iMessage

Honeybunny: i imessaged you
Honeybunny: i sent you a memo since I can't write

OMG HOW ADORABLE IS THAT?




SERIOUSLY?



OMG!!!


It took me a lot of self convincing to not give in and stay angry to make my point...
The next day we talked and after spending some time away from him with my friends Alex and Domi and getting drunk.... oh wait... need to tell you guys about that.

yeah... the whole afternoon Domi was actually giving me advice on how to make things work with Greggy... and since I was drunk and Alex's mom took my car keys, it was Domi who drove me when Greggy asked me to come home and talk to him.

When I arrived home, the alcohol I had consumed earlier was doing it's work and I was very tired.
I managed to log in on skype while being in bed and I only talked to him in a very sleepy and soft voice.

"I love you Greggy. All is fine. I love you. Mwah... goodnight"

He was adorable. He IS adorable. I hate when we fight. I feel so bad being forced to be a dick to him. Just to make my point that my feelings are hurt. There must be a better way... I'm working on it. That's how relationships (and we as human beings) grow, right?

There is no one like you

I can do just friends

Fourteen

Fourteen years have passed.

My tears have dried.

You are the same, you haven't changed.

Still my hero, my light, my guide.

I love you,
your son

It's time - Part 2

We became friends... I shared a lot of my thoughts with him about my breakup with Domi and what I was going through. Within a few months he had become someone I started to trust and someone I really liked. 
I was very interested in his culture... even started learning a bit of Slovene.
I used to do silly things like going to google translator and type whole tweets in there and have wacky translations which I tweeted to him.


Part 2


At that time I was 18 and he was 15... "waaaay too young" I thought to myself and fought any possible thought or feeling from developing into something more than a friendship.
"Internet relationship? That's crazy, that will never work. You don't want that, Nic" I said to myself over and over again. 


In the meantime he didn't stop being adorable and cute and sweet and lovely. We kept on talking every day. He quickly tweeted himself into my friend's hearts. Everybody likes him. 
In September, for his 16th birthday I wanted to do something special for him. I just sent out some direct messages to people who knew him and were friends with him and asked them if they wanted to contribute to his birthday present. I was extremely surprised by the response and especially the quality of responses I received. It was awesome... I was soo soo soo happy...
It was HIS birthday present but I was the one who was as happy as a small child who gets candy. It was such an amazing thing to see the love that he received. 

Finally, a short time after his birthday, our friend James drove all the way from Birmingham to London to give him his present with a very nice birthday card. Grega was there on a 3-day school trip. He was so happy... James said he kept on saying thank you, thank you, thank you, all the time... I am so jealous that James got to witness that moment. 


Finally in October... actually on the 2nd... that's right... FOUR MONTHS AGO :), he and I were talking about us, our friendship and our feelings. He said: "Nic... DTR... define the relationship"... I couldn't hold back... I kept on lying to myself and thinking I had my feelings under control. But I couldn't fight it any longer... I said "I guess... we are... boyfriends?!" still a bit unsure...


That's all he needed to hear... he made it a big big big thing and didn't even give me the chance to paddle back or to rethink my choice of wording things.... hahahaha... he was amazing... he made us happen... all him... and I am so happy that he blew this up... kept me calling his boyfriend and how much he loved me.  
Oh Greggy, how much I love you.
I thought about us a lot... we had some very serious talks. We are also very silly and planning our future... talking about how we would live together, where we would work, how our children would be like, that he will be called Daddy while they would call me Papa :) 
I told him we should adopt cos I will not ruin my figure ;)


We even went on the IKEA website and looked at furniture for our future home.


I KNOW... WE ARE SILLY.... BUT WE ARE IN LOVE :o)


yesterday we celebrated our 4 month anniversary... he is very sweet. He makes me happy.


He makes me happy.


He makes me happy.

4 months of happiness

I love my boyfriend. He makes me so happy. Today is our 4th monthyversary :)

I hope he doesn't mind me posting our private conversation. But I have to show you guys how cute and sweet he is:

(I sent him a Christmas package and it contained one of those key-chain LED mini flashlights)

today he wrote


[23:07:14] Grega: you are a part of my life
[23:07:24] Grega: anywhere i go
[23:07:28] Grega: you are with me
[23:07:30] Grega: thank you for that
[23:07:33] Grega: and the light
[23:07:36] Grega: i always turn it on
[23:07:40] Grega: when i miss you
[23:07:47] Grega: its the way of showing you are with me
[23:07:52] Grega: the light you sent me
[23:07:53] Grega: i have it on my keys
[23:07:56] Grega: always in my pocket
[23:08:02] Grega: and i light it up few times a day
[23:08:24] Grega: people do it for me...cuz they want to see it..and i am so happy..when they do..i say..look...they are giving me nicky :D
[23:08:35] Grega: i light up my mouth..and you kiss me
[23:08:41] Grega: i light up my eyes..and you look at my eyes
[23:08:47] Grega: its my lucky charm now


GOD... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

It's time - Part 1

For a long time I have been hesitating to talk about the new love in my life. For two reasons. The first reason is that I know that Dominik is reading my blog, in fact he has posted on here himself a while back. He was out of my life for a while and around my birthday in December we started talking and giving our friendship a chance. Since then I was just trying not to "rub it in" that I am happy with a new boy in my life, that I have moved on.


The second reason is, that this blog has so many memories of AWESOME times with Domi that I just found it very hard to bring in Greggy into this. It felt like "this is DomiNic's home". I didn't want him to feel like he is being compared to Domi or that he has to do the things Domi has done.


OMG, now that I am saying this I realize how stupid it sounds. But you know, guys... love isn't rational. Feelings aren't rational... So it's normal to think stupid things, I guess... I was just trying to be careful and not hurt anyone.


Now, after being with him for almost 4 months (on February 2nd it will be our fourmonthyversary), I know that he is assured enough that I only have feelings for him and that he means the world to me and that I am deeply deeply in love with him.


And I also know that enough time has passed (a whole year) to say that things have healed between Domi and me. That reading about Greggy will not hurt him.

--------------------------------------

The boy that is the center of my love life is an angel that doesn't live in my country. I have met him on twitter. On May 7 2011 he started following me and just sent me a tweet asking to follow him back. Since I have enough straight guys in my offline life I wasn't interested in talking to straight guys on twitter, so my reply and first question was "are you gay?". haha I wasn't thinking really... later he told me that that weirded him out. His reply was "nope ..bisexual .. Why does this have to define ..(I am not English so my English is not perfect)"


After the first few tweets about Glee and how cute Chord Overstreet is, I found out that he was 15. His English was amazing for a 15 year old. I know that cos I am tutoring a 14 year old :) 
Anyways... we started talking more and more to each other. The topics had more depth and we talked about how you shouldn't trust people on the internet.


We became friends... I shared a lot of my thoughts with him about my breakup with Domi and what I was going through. Within a few months he had become someone I started to trust and someone I really liked. 
I was very interested in his culture... even started learning a bit of Slovene.
I used to do silly things like going to google translator and type whole tweets in there and have wacky translations which I tweeted to him.


Part 2 will follow soon

Our culture and politics vs. madness

The following text is part of a paper that my friend Jake from Wisconsin wrote. He had to interview someone from a different culture and he chose me. (For those who don't know, I'm 1/4 German and 3/4 American. I have the citizen-ships of both countries. I was born in LA California and currently live in Cologne/Germany.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Nic was very interested in having someone to speak to about his German heritage; he was convinced that German culture was very different in some ways from the way we live our lives in Wisconsin. He did in fact bring up several different places and ideas that had significance in moral, social, and technical ways.

One of the places we talked about was his school. He recently had graduated from “Gymnasium”, which is the advanced version of high school in German education system. I was surprised to hear him describe how the education system works: “Everyone is sent to different schools after 4th grade”. The teacher recommends one of three levels for the student to go on to based on their academic performance. They are “basic”, “mid-level”, and “advanced”, or “gymnasium”. Basic level students usually go into the work force while gymnasium students usually go to university for further education. When he asked me why I found that strange, I told him that I found it unusual that his culture was able to determine how a person will go through life based on their grades prior to and including grade 4. He agreed with me, and he noted that it is a contemporary argument to move the German educational system toward a less deterministic perspective. On the other hand, he offered his social critique of our educational system, and felt that even though his system was flawed, it was the better choice overall. “After all, even though not everyone goes to university [in Germany], those that do, do not have to go into so great debt- it is mostly paid for by the government”.

This conversation inevitably led to politics, which Nic was very interested in. He recently had watched the republican presidential debate and had been very confused by some of the antics of American politicians. One scene from the debate had stuck in his mind and he wanted to discuss it with me. A gay soldier, he said, had sent in a video question regarding LGBT rights in America. The audience had actually then boo’d the question before allowing the nominees to reply. He was shocked by this, and by (what he perceived as) the political platforms of Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum that were avidly anti-gay. Living in Cologne, and being gay himself, Nic admitted to never having seen LGBT rights as a social issue. “We are not treated differently. We have [civil unions], and I have never been singled out for being gay.” When I brought up the idea that it would likely be very controversial for an “out” politician to gain prominence in our political system, he laughed at our ignorance. “What does that have to do with their politics? Our minister of foreign affairs (a position similar to secretary of state in the USA) is gay and out, and doing a good job.The mayor of Berlin was just re-elected for the 3rd time (each term is 5 years) and he is also gay and out. That they are gay is not brought up by our pundits. [The pundits] talk about real issues like debt, and what politician has the best plan; who cares if the politician is gay?” This, he felt, was a justifiable reason to feel morally and politically superior to the United States. “I know my politicians are good, and I know, [regardless] of their [political party], that they want to do good by me. We really trust our politicians.” 

The trust Nic had in his government was something new to me. I found his, and presumably Germany's moral/political stance refreshing. Unimpressed by our own attitudes toward sexuality and the way we treat it in America, his tone reflected a belief that his perspective was not just that of Germany's, but of a universal truth that cried out from inside each of us.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

posted with Jake's permission