Have you ever asked yourself what the meaning of life is?
two chocolate/chocolate chip cookies and a glas of cold wholemilk
Today I found paradise on earth.
Aug 12, 2009
Aug 4, 2009
A 'Brilliant' Night
For the first time in a really long time I went somewhere by myself and had a good time. I went to the library and the theatre to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I was feeling depressed a few nights ago, but was cured by the amazing Jake. Thanks to him, I was inspired to go out, live my life and have fun, even though I was alone; and I did. Before I left my sister had asked me to buy something for her. Normally I would've felt obligated to do it seeing as she is my sister, but this time was all about me.
At the library, I sat with a guy who was doing a project (hoping that he was available) while I read some books on psychology. They were interesting, but I merely scratched the surface of it's past and it's theories. Ever 15 seconds or so the guy would sniffle and put his head in his hands, as if stressed. After a while I asked him if he was ok. He said "yea, man" (not "mon"). I was hoping for a "not really" to comfort him, but I guess he was just sick. The rest of the time passed and we said nothing. He left and I saw him flirting with a girl. "He's straight", I said to myself. I was used to that so I just kept on reading.
Off to the movie. I walked 40 minutes to get to the theatre when I could have taken a taxi. I figured that I would save the money and get some exercise; even jogged for about a minute. I arrive and get my ticket, then head over to the pharmacy nearby. I didn't fear talking to strangers anymore. I was up-front and confident, no stumbling on my words as I had before. The strange feeling of betrayal and mistrust was no longer dominant in me. At the pharmacy I buy an ice-cream cone (first one in months) and walk around the pharmacy waiting for the movie to start.
To the movie. I buy popcorn and a drink and head off. I was surprised to see that there were only 4 other people there, because it is usually packed. I took advantage of the opportunity and sat anywhere I wanted. Only 16 people were present during the movie and it was so much fun. I kept changing seats and wandering about. I loved it! I even said "fuck" out loud without worrying about who hears. The movie ends and I go outside to see the moon shining at me (about 80% full). It was a 'brilliant' night (to honour the movie's British words) and I'm glad I went out and enjoyed it.
At the library, I sat with a guy who was doing a project (hoping that he was available) while I read some books on psychology. They were interesting, but I merely scratched the surface of it's past and it's theories. Ever 15 seconds or so the guy would sniffle and put his head in his hands, as if stressed. After a while I asked him if he was ok. He said "yea, man" (not "mon"). I was hoping for a "not really" to comfort him, but I guess he was just sick. The rest of the time passed and we said nothing. He left and I saw him flirting with a girl. "He's straight", I said to myself. I was used to that so I just kept on reading.
Off to the movie. I walked 40 minutes to get to the theatre when I could have taken a taxi. I figured that I would save the money and get some exercise; even jogged for about a minute. I arrive and get my ticket, then head over to the pharmacy nearby. I didn't fear talking to strangers anymore. I was up-front and confident, no stumbling on my words as I had before. The strange feeling of betrayal and mistrust was no longer dominant in me. At the pharmacy I buy an ice-cream cone (first one in months) and walk around the pharmacy waiting for the movie to start.
To the movie. I buy popcorn and a drink and head off. I was surprised to see that there were only 4 other people there, because it is usually packed. I took advantage of the opportunity and sat anywhere I wanted. Only 16 people were present during the movie and it was so much fun. I kept changing seats and wandering about. I loved it! I even said "fuck" out loud without worrying about who hears. The movie ends and I go outside to see the moon shining at me (about 80% full). It was a 'brilliant' night (to honour the movie's British words) and I'm glad I went out and enjoyed it.
Aug 2, 2009
I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I feel horrible right now, I 'm not sure why. I feel like everything I try will fail. I feel like crying but no tears will come. I feel alone, not lonely, alone. I feel like giving up. I feel like nothing can make me happy. I feel like clearing my head. I feel like I'm wasting my life, with nothing successful to do. I feel like I'm lost. I don't know what to do now. I feel sheltered and hidden. I feel afraid. There's no one to talk to, no one who can understand and empathize. My mind feels like mush, like I can do nothing to help it. Everything seems harder and I keep thinking that I'm worthless and obsolete. I feel like everything I try will all be stopped and my accomplishments not recognized.I am depressed. I don't know why. I know no pill can help how you feel. I am at a dead end.I want to do something, but have no idea what.
The future is going to be scary and I don't know if I'm ready for it. Am I good enough? Will I be wanted or even needed; needed to make something operate properly, to make someone happy, to save or change someone's life?
Life is so short and I don't want to die and be forgotten or have nothing accomplished. I've noticed that nothing lasts long: pain, happiness, money, nothing. I should just do whatever I want to do and get it over with and move on to the next thing before I die. Happiness is the one thing that is easiest to disappear from my life, so try not to be happy about many things, to lessen the hurt when they leave, but I can never do it. I try to keep it out of me, but it's still there. I try to make it like in the movies, when everything is going wrong and the guy is at the end of the rope, everything turns around and he lives happily ever after. I can never let go of this idea, no matter how hard I try.
Surrounded by walls and ceilings, there is little I can do. To go out into the night and see stars upon stars in the sky, I have to wonder if there are other people out there like me. I admire the natural beauty of what's been here longer than me and will be for many years. I spend hours on my roof trying to clear my head when I'm angry or depressed and sometime to get happier when I am happy, but that's rare; something always comes along and ruins my good time. I look at the moon and wonder how it stays up there, why it's there, how'd it get there, what's it made of...
The trees' simplicity make me feel overdone. The animals and insects all seem to have purpose in their lives, more purpose than me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go or how to get there.
There is no one purpose set in stone for me or anyone. The limit stops at me, at my mind. Whatever I can imagine I can do and be. I will not stay down like this and I will never give up. There's more to life than what's here now. I'm going to find happiness and it will stay, but I'll make sure to, at least, try to enjoy the journey and not focus only on the destination, because I don't know where it is. This could be my final destination. You never know when you're going to die, so make the best of your life! All we have is a lifetime to live.
The future is going to be scary and I don't know if I'm ready for it. Am I good enough? Will I be wanted or even needed; needed to make something operate properly, to make someone happy, to save or change someone's life?
Life is so short and I don't want to die and be forgotten or have nothing accomplished. I've noticed that nothing lasts long: pain, happiness, money, nothing. I should just do whatever I want to do and get it over with and move on to the next thing before I die. Happiness is the one thing that is easiest to disappear from my life, so try not to be happy about many things, to lessen the hurt when they leave, but I can never do it. I try to keep it out of me, but it's still there. I try to make it like in the movies, when everything is going wrong and the guy is at the end of the rope, everything turns around and he lives happily ever after. I can never let go of this idea, no matter how hard I try.
Surrounded by walls and ceilings, there is little I can do. To go out into the night and see stars upon stars in the sky, I have to wonder if there are other people out there like me. I admire the natural beauty of what's been here longer than me and will be for many years. I spend hours on my roof trying to clear my head when I'm angry or depressed and sometime to get happier when I am happy, but that's rare; something always comes along and ruins my good time. I look at the moon and wonder how it stays up there, why it's there, how'd it get there, what's it made of...
The trees' simplicity make me feel overdone. The animals and insects all seem to have purpose in their lives, more purpose than me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go or how to get there.
There is no one purpose set in stone for me or anyone. The limit stops at me, at my mind. Whatever I can imagine I can do and be. I will not stay down like this and I will never give up. There's more to life than what's here now. I'm going to find happiness and it will stay, but I'll make sure to, at least, try to enjoy the journey and not focus only on the destination, because I don't know where it is. This could be my final destination. You never know when you're going to die, so make the best of your life! All we have is a lifetime to live.
Aug 1, 2009
Re-Recalls of a Distant Land
At Mr. Nic's request,
I will republish a BLOG from my personal site....
This was awhile ago, HOPE you enjoy as much as Nic did....
Its 230 am.....little bit too hot to be sleeping. I guess i can finally talk about the very special place in my town ive been tempting you, my faithful followers (lol) for a few blogs. I call it the waterfall, however, there is no waterfall there : P. There is a park, next to the Wisconsin river, which runs through our town. I dont know how i found it, or how long its been there, but i would guess for a very long time. I remember reading about it having a skate park (if you're into that kind of thing) built a few years ago, and if you're headed towards best buy you can see the park down the hill in the winter, when the trees are dead.
ANYWAYS
As with most parks, this one has *gasp* a parking lot, and you can park facing the water, and about 15 yards in front of you is the river. Now, this might not sound like a very unique thing at all.
WELL
I used to do ALOT of writing in said parking lot. Something about the place was special, and everyone that has been there has felt it. I thought for a long time that I was special in the feeling, but after I became less absorbed in my writing some days i would look out my windows and observe other folks behavior (one of my favorite activities). And I found, to my great suprise, that other people used this place for reasons similar to my own. When I go to the waterfall, i do alot of venting. Ive put down my greatest secrets, most beautiful and heartfelt poetry, most tormented anguishes, and sadest laments, at this park. Ive laughed here. Ive cried here. Hard. Ive ruminated for hours here. Ive learned here. People come to this park to unload their fears and to relive their lives.
Here are some of my writings from this place, my observations of other people who understand the power of the waterfall.
One woman pulls up next to me. She's very well to do. Mercedes, Prada bag, DG sunglasses bigger than her face...... The sunglasses come off. Her face is blank. Her eyes stare at the water. Tears fall. She sits there, with no emotion on her face for over an hour, crying. The sunglasses go back on. She departs.
An old woman walks down the road. Alone. No cane, or walker, she's strong for her age. She goes to the rivers edge, which is lined with great granite rocks. She stairs out over the water. Her eyes close, and she just stands. Breathing. Sometimes she smiles. Sometimes she looks hurt. Sometimes she lets out a cry of pain. She stands, eyes closed, for two hours. She turns and leaves.
A middle aged woman arrives. Toyota, not new, for some reason i think she's a secretary. She gets out of her car, and walks up to a tree. She faces the tree, about one foot from its trunk. For the next hour, she trys to touch it. Her arm extends. Her fingers tremble. But right at the last moment, right before she touches it, her hand backs away, as though the tree is on fire. Everntually, she turns and leaves.
In our town, we have a large number of mentally ill people. One of the most locally famous is known as "crazy bike guy". Bike guy rides his bike all day long, year round, all over town. He's the butt of many many jokes. He often times throws his bike into the street or river, beats it furiously, or runs away from it. He has schizophrenia. I sit in my car. Bike guy arrives on his bike. There is a bench where you can sit and look out over the water. Bike guy sits. He pulls out several slices of bread. He tears them up, and feeds the birds. I must admit, my heart did melt at this event. The longer i watched, the more sad i became. Here is a beautiful individual, with a serious mental disorder, who is the laughing stock of the entire town. He sits on the bench, alone, for 4 hours. He picks a flower near by and smells it. He sighs. I'm close to tears. No one would ever go sit next to bike guy. He's alone on his bench, and no one would ever sit next to him, or ask him how his day is. No one would ask him if he loved, or is loved. no one would ask him out to dinner, or what his favorite color is. He's just crazy bike guy to them. Bike guy stands, mounts his steed, and is off. I get out of my car, walk to the bench, and pick up the flower he smelt. I place it gently on the bench. One tear trickles down for bike guy. For his pain. For his lonelyness. For his solitude. Ride on, bike guy.
Everyday, an elderly man comes. He has a fishing pole, but he never fishes. He doesn't stay long. He stands on the granite boulders that line the banks of the river and stairs out. Sometimes he sits. Sometimes he stands. But he never puts down the pole. He usually stays for about 10min. He leaves.
That ends my writings. These people understand the power of the waterfall. Sometimes I saw them multiple times. Sometimes just once. But they all came, everyone that comes, knows why they are there. They have pain. They have unfinished business. They have happiness. They remember.
And I remember them.
The story as to why I've been there so often is for another day.
Dedicated to "crazy bike guy".
I will republish a BLOG from my personal site....
This was awhile ago, HOPE you enjoy as much as Nic did....
Its 230 am.....little bit too hot to be sleeping. I guess i can finally talk about the very special place in my town ive been tempting you, my faithful followers (lol) for a few blogs. I call it the waterfall, however, there is no waterfall there : P. There is a park, next to the Wisconsin river, which runs through our town. I dont know how i found it, or how long its been there, but i would guess for a very long time. I remember reading about it having a skate park (if you're into that kind of thing) built a few years ago, and if you're headed towards best buy you can see the park down the hill in the winter, when the trees are dead.
ANYWAYS
As with most parks, this one has *gasp* a parking lot, and you can park facing the water, and about 15 yards in front of you is the river. Now, this might not sound like a very unique thing at all.
WELL
I used to do ALOT of writing in said parking lot. Something about the place was special, and everyone that has been there has felt it. I thought for a long time that I was special in the feeling, but after I became less absorbed in my writing some days i would look out my windows and observe other folks behavior (one of my favorite activities). And I found, to my great suprise, that other people used this place for reasons similar to my own. When I go to the waterfall, i do alot of venting. Ive put down my greatest secrets, most beautiful and heartfelt poetry, most tormented anguishes, and sadest laments, at this park. Ive laughed here. Ive cried here. Hard. Ive ruminated for hours here. Ive learned here. People come to this park to unload their fears and to relive their lives.
Here are some of my writings from this place, my observations of other people who understand the power of the waterfall.
One woman pulls up next to me. She's very well to do. Mercedes, Prada bag, DG sunglasses bigger than her face...... The sunglasses come off. Her face is blank. Her eyes stare at the water. Tears fall. She sits there, with no emotion on her face for over an hour, crying. The sunglasses go back on. She departs.
An old woman walks down the road. Alone. No cane, or walker, she's strong for her age. She goes to the rivers edge, which is lined with great granite rocks. She stairs out over the water. Her eyes close, and she just stands. Breathing. Sometimes she smiles. Sometimes she looks hurt. Sometimes she lets out a cry of pain. She stands, eyes closed, for two hours. She turns and leaves.
A middle aged woman arrives. Toyota, not new, for some reason i think she's a secretary. She gets out of her car, and walks up to a tree. She faces the tree, about one foot from its trunk. For the next hour, she trys to touch it. Her arm extends. Her fingers tremble. But right at the last moment, right before she touches it, her hand backs away, as though the tree is on fire. Everntually, she turns and leaves.
In our town, we have a large number of mentally ill people. One of the most locally famous is known as "crazy bike guy". Bike guy rides his bike all day long, year round, all over town. He's the butt of many many jokes. He often times throws his bike into the street or river, beats it furiously, or runs away from it. He has schizophrenia. I sit in my car. Bike guy arrives on his bike. There is a bench where you can sit and look out over the water. Bike guy sits. He pulls out several slices of bread. He tears them up, and feeds the birds. I must admit, my heart did melt at this event. The longer i watched, the more sad i became. Here is a beautiful individual, with a serious mental disorder, who is the laughing stock of the entire town. He sits on the bench, alone, for 4 hours. He picks a flower near by and smells it. He sighs. I'm close to tears. No one would ever go sit next to bike guy. He's alone on his bench, and no one would ever sit next to him, or ask him how his day is. No one would ask him if he loved, or is loved. no one would ask him out to dinner, or what his favorite color is. He's just crazy bike guy to them. Bike guy stands, mounts his steed, and is off. I get out of my car, walk to the bench, and pick up the flower he smelt. I place it gently on the bench. One tear trickles down for bike guy. For his pain. For his lonelyness. For his solitude. Ride on, bike guy.
Everyday, an elderly man comes. He has a fishing pole, but he never fishes. He doesn't stay long. He stands on the granite boulders that line the banks of the river and stairs out. Sometimes he sits. Sometimes he stands. But he never puts down the pole. He usually stays for about 10min. He leaves.
That ends my writings. These people understand the power of the waterfall. Sometimes I saw them multiple times. Sometimes just once. But they all came, everyone that comes, knows why they are there. They have pain. They have unfinished business. They have happiness. They remember.
And I remember them.
The story as to why I've been there so often is for another day.
Dedicated to "crazy bike guy".
Jul 30, 2009
stupidity must be punished
read my convo with Duane
[...]
Nic: I on the other hand am one of his biggest fans
Nic: and his ad campaign manager now
Nic: I think you must have gotten a tweet from me too
CheekySpook: ?
Nic: did you get a tweet from gossipboy4MrT lately?
Nic: that's me
CheekySpook: no i didnt
Nic: I @replied you
CheekySpook: nope
Nic: hmm
Nic: wait
Nic: http://twitter.com/gossipboy4MrT/status/2915489590 yes I sent it to you 13 hours ago
CheekySpook: you've locked it
CheekySpook: if its locked and I'm not following, then I won't get the tweet
Nic: even when I @reply you?
CheekySpook: yeah
Nic: let me check
CheekySpook: only ppl that follow you can get @repliy
CheekySpook: its true. oh its true
Nic: fuuuuuuuuuuuck
Nic: 250 messages for nothing?
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: if I set them to unlock, will they recieve it then?
CheekySpook: try
Nic: ok
CheekySpook: prolly not cos it was 13 hours ago....im not checking back 13 hours
Nic: Your tweets are currently protected; only those you approve will receive your tweets. You will not appear on the public timeline. Tweets posted previously may still be publicly visible in some places.
Nic: fuck, no it won't send them
CheekySpook: nope not showing up
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Nic: 2 hours of work down the drain
Nic: FUCK YOU TWITTER
CheekySpook: i dont mean to be a bastard but hahahahahaha
Nic: I HATE YOU TWITTER
Nic: I HATE YOUR EXISTENCE
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaah
Nic: aaaaaaaaah
Nic: what a load of BS
Nic: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: like I swear to god
Nic: I
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaaaah
*** Incoming call from CheekySpook ***
CheekySpook: talk, I wanna hear how pissed you are
*** call ended. ***
(all I said was FUCK YOU and hung up)
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: my aunt was standing right next to me when I said FU
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: I just got a lecture
Nic: NIIIIIC LANGUAGE
-----------------------------
At the same time talking to Lucas:
Nic: ok see, the thing is, Lucas
Nic: I am gossipboy4MrT on twitter and I've started this huge ad campaign to get him into the top ten on twitterwall
Nic: the problem: I sent 253 tweets over the course of two days
Nic: like two hours of hard copy paste labour
Nic: and I just found out not a single person recieved it
Nic: because I had the account set on LOCKED
Nic: which means it will not show the tweets to anyone that is not following me
Nic: even if it is a direct @reply
Nic: do you understand my outrage now?
Nic: STOP LAUGHING AT ME
Lucas: bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah!
Lucas: :D :D :D :D
Nic: where is the shoot-me-in-the-head-smiley when I need it most?
Lucas: all I can say is still bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Nic: wait, maybe there is hope
Nic: that girl recieved it http://twitter.com/ilvorngiceblock/status/2926378781
Nic: did you recieve it too?
Lucas: nope.
Nic: head meets table
Lucas: and the lolling continues
--------------------------------------------
yeah basicly, I'M DUMB
[...]
Nic: I on the other hand am one of his biggest fans
Nic: and his ad campaign manager now
Nic: I think you must have gotten a tweet from me too
CheekySpook: ?
Nic: did you get a tweet from gossipboy4MrT lately?
Nic: that's me
CheekySpook: no i didnt
Nic: I @replied you
CheekySpook: nope
Nic: hmm
Nic: wait
Nic: http://twitter.com/gossipboy4MrT/status/2915489590 yes I sent it to you 13 hours ago
CheekySpook: you've locked it
CheekySpook: if its locked and I'm not following, then I won't get the tweet
Nic: even when I @reply you?
CheekySpook: yeah
Nic: let me check
CheekySpook: only ppl that follow you can get @repliy
CheekySpook: its true. oh its true
Nic: fuuuuuuuuuuuck
Nic: 250 messages for nothing?
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: if I set them to unlock, will they recieve it then?
CheekySpook: try
Nic: ok
CheekySpook: prolly not cos it was 13 hours ago....im not checking back 13 hours
Nic: Your tweets are currently protected; only those you approve will receive your tweets. You will not appear on the public timeline. Tweets posted previously may still be publicly visible in some places.
Nic: fuck, no it won't send them
CheekySpook: nope not showing up
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Nic: 2 hours of work down the drain
Nic: FUCK YOU TWITTER
CheekySpook: i dont mean to be a bastard but hahahahahaha
Nic: I HATE YOU TWITTER
Nic: I HATE YOUR EXISTENCE
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaah
Nic: aaaaaaaaah
Nic: what a load of BS
Nic: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: like I swear to god
Nic: I
Nic: aaaaaaaaaaaaah
*** Incoming call from CheekySpook ***
CheekySpook: talk, I wanna hear how pissed you are
*** call ended. ***
(all I said was FUCK YOU and hung up)
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: my aunt was standing right next to me when I said FU
CheekySpook: lol
Nic: I just got a lecture
Nic: NIIIIIC LANGUAGE
-----------------------------
At the same time talking to Lucas:
Nic: ok see, the thing is, Lucas
Nic: I am gossipboy4MrT on twitter and I've started this huge ad campaign to get him into the top ten on twitterwall
Nic: the problem: I sent 253 tweets over the course of two days
Nic: like two hours of hard copy paste labour
Nic: and I just found out not a single person recieved it
Nic: because I had the account set on LOCKED
Nic: which means it will not show the tweets to anyone that is not following me
Nic: even if it is a direct @reply
Nic: do you understand my outrage now?
Nic: STOP LAUGHING AT ME
Lucas: bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah!
Lucas: :D :D :D :D
Nic: where is the shoot-me-in-the-head-smiley when I need it most?
Lucas: all I can say is still bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Nic: wait, maybe there is hope
Nic: that girl recieved it http://twitter.com/ilvorngiceblock/status/2926378781
Nic: did you recieve it too?
Lucas: nope.
Nic: head meets table
Lucas: and the lolling continues
--------------------------------------------
yeah basicly, I'M DUMB
Jul 26, 2009
This is the best ad campaign ever
From the movie "what women want"
Just read this and try to imagine a woman, running on an empty road.
You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run...
and wonder what the road will think of your outfit.
You don't have to listen to its jokes and pretend they're funny.
it would not be easier to run if you dressed sexier.
The road doesn't notice if you're not wearing lipstick.
it doesnot care how old you are.
You do not feel uncomfortable...
because you make more money than the road.
And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it,
whether it's been a day...
or even a couple of hours since your last date.
The only thing the road cares about...
is that you pay it a visit once in a while.
Nike. No games. Just sports.
I LOVE THE ADVERTISEMENT INDUSTRY WITH MY WHOLE BEING. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
MARRY ME YOU INVENTOR OF THAT SLOGAN. PLEASE?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)