Poem

Sometimes I discover things which are beautiful and I feel the urge to share those with the world.

Matt is someone who recently subscribed to/followed my blog.
When I went to look at his blog I discovered a sad poem. But in its' sadness it was beautiful.

so here it is:

title: you don't remember, but you hurt me before.

you can hardly blame me.
I hold my head under the covers next to you.
my heavy heart is beating at UN-controllable rhythm.
but you just lay there with your perfect self.
I cant recall the last time you said how much you cared about me.
you strip me of everything that I hold near-and-dear.
you say grow up. I say whats wrong with being a kid.
you say don't talk like that. I say I can talk anyway I want.
you say your immature. I say I just have more fun than you.
you say don't cry. I say I cry cause I need you.
you say you don't need me. I say I need you more than you think.
you say don't say I love you.I say I love you.
I say don't leave. you just walk away.

Source: http://mattysblurbs.blogspot.com/2009/04/you-can-hardly-blame-me.html

Fmylife.com - FML #527227

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

- I loled so hard

found at http://www.fmylife.com/sex?page=6

Chinese Zodiac Signs

Mine: Monkey

The spunky Monkey is the original party animal! Charming and energetic, Monkeys crave fun, activity and stimulation. They truly know how to have a good time and can often be seen swinging from one group of friends to another, attracting a motley crew in the process. Always upbeat, they are considered minor celebrities in their circle thanks to their sparkling wit and that rapier-sharp mind. Perhaps surprisingly, Monkeys are also good listeners and tackle complicated situations with ease. This Sign's natural curiosity lends it the desire to become knowledgeable on a broad range of topics. Monkeys have a show-off side that loves nothing more than to dazzle their pals with all they know.

Dominik's: Rooster

The Rooster is the strutting peacock of the Chinese Zodiac! These quick thinkers are practical and resourceful, preferring to stick to what is tried and true rather than taking messy, unnecessary risks. Roosters are keenly observant. It's hard to slip anything past a Rooster, since they seem to have eyes in the backs of their heads! This quality can lead others to think the Rooster is psychic, but that's not generally the case; instead, this Sign enjoys a keen attention to detail that makes it a whiz at anything requiring close analysis. Roosters make great lawyers, brain surgeons and accountants, to name a few of this Sign's possible occupations. Above all else, the Rooster is very straightforward and rewards others' honesty in kind.

Interesting...

pain

e for effort

[16:19:10] Lucas: why the gratuitous swearing?
[16:20:49] Nic: bad first day of school
[16:21:05] Lucas: :(
[16:21:25] Nic: got the result of a math test back
[16:21:35] Lucas: not good?
[16:21:52] Nic: e for effort
[16:22:12] Nic: d+
[16:22:17] Lucas: ouch

He made me dance

In the past few weeks I got to hear the words "you guys are so cute together" a lot.
Some might think I would be sick of hearing that.
But see... I can't help it. He is so cute and the things he does amaze me so much, that I feel the urge to tell the world.
If I don't post this, I am in severe danger of eating him up alive.

...

Today we were invited to a party of one of Dominik's friend's ex-girlfriends. She likes Domi very much and she doesn't even try to hide it.
So for a present I asked him if he'd agree to give her a coupon for one kiss on the cheek... and... to my surprise, he agreed :o)

It turned out to be a really funny present and she liked it a lot and it was a good ice-breaker for the party, because we hardly knew anyone except a handful of friends from our school (she goes to a different school).

Daniela, Dominik's ex was also there, but, let's leave it at that.

It was a nice party and there was lots of beer to drink. I like those "Veltins" mixes, like beer and coke or beer and lemonade and the best: beer & curuba (don't ask me what that is, cos I don't know, but it's delicious).

I am not much of a dancer. I like to watch and observe and drink and talk and drink some more. Maybe it was the alcohol that did that to me and maybe I am still drunk, cos normaly I would never do something like this and also talk about it: Dominik made me dance...

They played this special version of one of Justin Timberlakes songs.
Listen to the song and try to get the picture.

Domi grabbed me by the hand and forced me to the dancefloor and made me dance.

I can't dance, I hate it. I'm a clutz when it comes to shaking any part of my body to any kind of rhythm. But Domi is a pro. He is a very good dancer and I need to learn some moves if I ever want him to go out with me again :o)

I swear to god, he had all eyes on him. A lot of the girls were looking at him and talking, giggling and doing all the other girlie crap. But he only had eyes for me and he was dancing at me, to me, behind me, next to me, with me... I don't know. He was good... really really good.

I was so embarrassed and I couldn't do anything except stand there and let it happen. He was putting on a show and to be honest, I enjoyed every minute of it.
And then it happened... I was like "oh my god, my boyfriend is a shirtlifter..." haha... He was clearly playing with the girls. that sure was a huge ego boost to him... and me, because I never felt so sexy and turned on in my life before.

So, people, you see what I mean? I can't help it when he does stuff like that. He IS cute. And I have to tell you about it.

I'm sure he's gonna read this tomorrow when he wakes up and I'm sure he would want me to delete this or maybe even delete it himself.

DON'T YOU DARE clicking on any of the buttons, Domi. The world has to know about your AWESOMENESS.

From deep within my heart, I LOVE YOU.

- Nic

ONE DEAD GAY BOY

I'm supporting a friend by spreading the word.

Papa can you hear me?

Dominik's mother, my future mother in law, was watching a movie, when I went over to his house, yesterday. It was a Barbara Straisund movie from the, I don't know... 60's. The movie title was Yentl.
I didn't watch the movie, because I was in Dominik's room.
But I caught a little bit of one piece that haunted me all night and I had to look it up.

PRAYER
Oh God-our heavenly Father.
Oh, God-and my father
Who is also in heaven.
May the light of this
Flickering candle
Illuminate the night the way
Your spirit illuminates my soul.

Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa can you find me in the night?
Papa are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me not be frightened?

Looking at the skies I seem to see
A million eyes which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday
Has waved goodbye
And closed its doors?
The night is so much darker;
The wind is so much colder;
The world I see is so much bigger
Now that I'm alone.

Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me;
Papa, don't you know I had no choice?

Can you hear me praying,
Anything I'm saying
Even though the night is filled with voices?
I remember everything you taught me
Every book 1've ever read...
Can all the words in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller
And I feel so much smaller;
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright...

Papa, how I love you...
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me good night...



It made me think a lot. And it brought me to the point I've been many times before. I was wondering if he can see me. If he's proud of who I've become. Would I be any different if he was still here.

I am mad at myself for not dreaming about him anymore. The memories of him become less and less clear.

whoaw, Dominik can type.

http://domi-nic.tumblr.com/

well that says it all, doesn't it?

Dear alcohol,

why don't you like me?

See... I have always been very kind to you. I treated you well... I was polite.
When the nice lady asked what I'd like to drink, I was very specific on how she should treat you. I asked her to put you in a fancy glass and just to make sure you are not all alone she invited your friends mr. mango syrup and mr. lime juice, too.

Since she knew you guys like each other a lot, she threw in hundreds of mini pieces of ice to cool things down a little for you.

She was very careful when she brought you to me. Not a single drop of you got lost on the way. When she put you down on the table in front of me, I smiled at you and greeted you with the nicest words that came up my mind: "Come to papa", I said, "I like you. I like you so much that I'm gonna name you...".

And then it hit me.

You were COOL. In fact you were such a cool thing, that I had to give you a cool name. A Bond, James Bond kind of cool name.

I concentrated. I shut off all the noises around me: the people talking and laughing, the sounds coming out of those huge speakers all around the place and even those hammering jungle beats who couldn't keep up with my heartbeat's excitement when I first saw you.

Yes, I was in complete awe because of you.

"I'm gonna name you... Daiquiri... Mango Daiquiri".

I snaped back of my daydream when my boyfriend Dominik took a straw and alowly, almost gently pushed it inside of you.
You liked it, admit it. I noticed how you started to shake.

See, I must have proven to you that I liked you a lot. I allowed you to touch those sweet lips of his. And believe me, NO ONE gets to touch those lips except me.

I even paid the lady for treating you like a king. It wasn't cheap, I tell you.

But after this, after aaaaaaall this. You HAD TO give me the HEADACHE OF MY LIFE.
So tell me, dear alcohol, why do you HATE ME so much?

Friends

This is how you make me feel, Dominik.



I love you.

kitteeeeeeeeeeeen

INSOMNIA

Insomnia insomnia, how I not missed thee

Omegle is so much fun

If you don't know it yet: Omegle is a place where you get connected to a total stranger and start to chat.

Thank you Lucas, for introducing me to that total goofball of a website. <3
I tried it and I liked it soooo much. And here is why:

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: :)

You: the chinese wall is long

You: and I will protect it

You: with my life

You: I'll die for it if I have to

You: and you can't stop me

Stranger: the chinese wall?

You: yes the chinese wall

Stranger: You mean the great wall of china

You: that's the one

Stranger: Why do you feel the need to protect it?

You: you think I can't

You: but I'll show you

Stranger: Show me?

Stranger: Whys it need protecting?

You: as we speak my friends over at the government look up your ip

You: stop denying it

You: you want it ill

Stranger: all*

Stranger: What am i meant to be denying?

You: no... ILL

You: you want it to go down

You: admit it

Stranger: The wall?

Stranger: After time.. it will go down

Stranger: on its own

You: no it won't

You: there is always viagra

Stranger: it takes 300 people to paint its walls every week

Stranger: to stop it from eroding away

Stranger: your one of them 300?

You: YOU WON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY WALL

You: IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

Stranger: Its not yours and you are not china

You: I... I....

Stranger: i hate to break it to you

You: you can say what you want to me

You: but YOU WILL NOT MOCK THE WALL

Stranger: So..

You: so what? have they arrived yet?

You: have they arrived yet?

Stranger: yeh i see them coming up the beach now..

You: you better hide

You: run

You: ruuuuuuuuun

You have disconnected.

Stupid feelings

Watching a movie should be something to enjoy. It should entertain you and make you smile. Make you feel good. Make you laugh.
But once in while, even when you least expect it, a movie gets to you. It shows you something, It teaches you. And also, It touches you.

I was watching this movie called Marley & Me. It was supposed to be a funny, feel good movie. The movie trailor showed funny moments.
But what it turned out to be was getting under my skin and made me think.

I never had a dog in my life. I always wanted one, but we moved a lot. I was told I get one as soon as we buy a house and settle down. I was told that dogs need a backyard and not an appartment.
Even when we got a house with a fairly big backyard about 4 years ago when we moved to Germany my mom didn't buy me a dog. So I may be a bit sensitive about that subject anyway.

The movie Marley & Me is telling about a family and how it starts with husband and wife and how they aren't ready to have children yet, so they get a dog.
The dog misbehaves in sooo many creative ways. Like he eats an answering machine...
not chewing on it... no... eating and digesting it.

This is the story of a "bad" dog becoming a member of a family and seeing how 3 children are born and growing older. He grows to have his place in the family.

Of course the dog can't live on forever. But the way they treated him and how they said their goodbyes and how the family cried and the father put him to sleep got to me. I was in tears for about 15 minutes of the movie. It was so sad seeing how the little girl gave him her stuffed animal with the words "you can have Dolly but don't chew her other ear off"
Or the oldest son knowing that the dog is not gonna return from the vet so he hugged him and cried and said goodbye.

It was so sad how the father talked to the dog before he asked the vet to put him to sleep. How he told him that all the years he was a good dog, a great dog.
And it was so sad seeing how the dog finally closed his eyes.

And the last scene was so sad that I almost started to sob instead of just tears running down.
It was when they were buriing him in their backyard and everyone put something in the grave. The mom put in a necklace that she got from her husband when they were about to start a family 8 years ago. That necklace was very expensive and the dog ate it back then and they had to hose down dogpoo to finally find it again.

All in all it was a sad sad movie and at the end it was almost unbarable to watch.

Why am I such a wuss? Why does a stupid movie bring me to tears to an extent that I am almost ashamed of admiting that I cried about it.

Feelings are stupid.

I wish I was someone with the ability to switch them off. I'm unfortunately not.