Arguable

Hypothetical question: when someone you know has an incredible talent in something you so wish you had talent in yourself and that person doesn't make the most of it and this person happens to be your business because he is your boyfriend, are you allowed to get mad at him and not force but push him towards the right path because you only want his best? Yes or no?

Dear friend...

...think about it.



you self destructive 
little boy
pick yourself up
don't blame the world
so you screwed up
but you're gonna be ok
now call your friend 
and apologize
you pushed him pretty
far away last night
he really loves you
you just don't always love yourself.

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

think all the mean girls 
that pulled your hair
are barefoot now and 
pregnant there
and you write pop songs
and get to travel
round the world

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

so you've had some detours
some stupid men
now we know what not
to do again
besides you lucked out
finally

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push


<4

Shadow Dream

A shadow I must seem. A figment of a dream. Having gone long ago, there is much you do not know.

I had a boyfriend for about a month. He made me happy and still does. Though sometimes confusing, he never gates me and that's one thing I love about him. I turned him bi but he loves vagina. He's now my best friend and I love him. Curse you testosterone!

School has been a major pain! In 2008 I sent some e-mails to my first major crush and they got out. Now total strangers around school know my name.

Family getting on my nerves and few friends to vent with or just talk to.

Wednesday 2am

I havn't done this in a while.

Please take four minutes, sit back and listen to this song/video

iPodPadPhone http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DIKtWXliiUs


You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart 
You wrap you thoughts in works of art 
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart 

I may not have the softest touch 
I may not say the words as such 
And though I may not look like much 
I'm yours 
And though my edges may be rough 
And never feel I'm quite enough 
It may not seem like very much 
But I'm yours 

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul 
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died 
My knees went week and you saw me cry 
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes 

I may not have the softest touch 
I may not say the words as such 
And though I may not look like much 
I'm yours 
And though my edges may be rough 
And never feel I'm quite enough 
It may not seem like very much 
But I'm yours

Mr Nice Guy

If you ask the people around me, my friends in school, my teammates, my firends online and people I deal with every day, they all will tell you that I'm a positive thinking and always smiling and polite person. ugh, enough with the self loving you asshole. I'm usually in a good mood and I try to make people around me feel better about themselves, because I want them to be happy. shut up, you know you don't want to deal with naggers and whiners and negativity, why don't you just come out and say it? oh I see... cause you're "polite", Mr. Nice Guy. BULLSHIT!

FUCK IT... I DON'T FEEL LIKE TYPING ANYMORE
no, Nic, you can't post this. you're a nice guy, remember?
stop the crap, will ya? Man up and say it like it is.
say what? I don't have anything to say.
then why did you fucktard start this post?
I don't know... I was feeling weird. I wanted to say something but then I kinda got distracted with being stuck in this fucking classroom and the teacher is boring and then you came along and then my head started hurting and then I got dizzy and the weather is shit and THIS FUCKING JUSTIN BIEBER SONG IS STUCK IN MY BRAIN.... aaaaaaah.
whooooaw... where did that come from?
SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
you can't talk like that... you're a nice guy, remember?
GO AWAY. LAST WARNING.

cuddle with me

I'm lying here and I'm looking at the door. I feel lonely in my bed, though I know you're there somewhere.
I feel emptiness cause I long for something that's not here with me. Where it should be.
I hug my pillow and close my eyes. I hold it tight.

When I open my eyes I can see your face. You smile at me and give me a wink.
Your hair is messed up but you look calm and peaceful.
Can you be more beautiful?

You put your arm around me and pull me closer.
I touch your cheek. It's red and warm.
You look at me and smile again. You kiss my hand.

If you only knew how much I want you.

I want to say something but you put your finger on my lips. You touch my nose and pinch my cheek.
I kiss your fingers one by one. I kiss your palm.
You smell so good. I take you in.
I grab your head and bring my lips to yours

But you hold me back. You touch my forehead and move your hand. You close my eyes.
Then I can feel you. I can feel you inside. You're on my lips, you're in my head, you're in my heart.
God, it's so beautiful and warm and like paradise.

I'm happy you're in my life.
I open my eyes again and look at the door. I feel lonely in my bed, though I know you're there somewhere.

But I don't feel emptiness anymore cause I know there's something that is with me. Where it should be.

together forever 

Guess Who's Back

Friends, its been awhile. School's been rough, I've been doing my best to study hard and prepare for my IB exams....which started this week. They. are. hard. basically. But they also give me a lot of time away from school, which means i have time to do fun things like this!

You haven't missed out on much....well a few things a suppose i should note:

I was waitlisted from my dream school at the university of minnisota-twin cities, and forced to apply to another school, and It looks like Im going to the university of wisconsin-milwaukee. Hope its fun, anyone live around there?

Romantically......... you haven't missed out on anything. And that makes me a little sad, cause I want to get on here and brag about my relations and how happy i am, but alas, im limited to wild speculation and the occasional pessimistic view one day and blind optimism the next..

And heres a little speculation for you ;) There is someone Im interested in. Don't know if i actually have a chance, but im trying to figure out a way to see if it'll happen. more on that later :) but i think the two of us would be great together! They DJ and mix songs, have kind of a hipster self image like i do, and love music and art.

And the best part is (or maybe worst part) that they've inspired me to start writing again. I HAVE A MUSE! hahaha so if i feel like transcribing some poems or prose later maybe you'll get a taste of what my new stuff is like.

School's been getting me pretty down lately, but for whatever reason when i see my mystery person in the halls i honestly cant stop smiling for like an hour, i feel so energized and alive just by the smallest interaction with them.

I really really hope this one works out, but at the same time I dont want to get my hopes up at all. History says its all in my head and regardless of how i feel, I'm just going to be dissapointed.

Well thats about it, i need to go get ready for my next test, its at 9am and its paper two of the Psych exam...which im pretty confident about. just saying....