I feel horrible right now, I 'm not sure why. I feel like everything I try will fail. I feel like crying but no tears will come. I feel alone, not lonely, alone. I feel like giving up. I feel like nothing can make me happy. I feel like clearing my head. I feel like I'm wasting my life, with nothing successful to do. I feel like I'm lost. I don't know what to do now. I feel sheltered and hidden. I feel afraid. There's no one to talk to, no one who can understand and empathize. My mind feels like mush, like I can do nothing to help it. Everything seems harder and I keep thinking that I'm worthless and obsolete. I feel like everything I try will all be stopped and my accomplishments not recognized.I am depressed. I don't know why. I know no pill can help how you feel. I am at a dead end.I want to do something, but have no idea what.
The future is going to be scary and I don't know if I'm ready for it. Am I good enough? Will I be wanted or even needed; needed to make something operate properly, to make someone happy, to save or change someone's life?
Life is so short and I don't want to die and be forgotten or have nothing accomplished. I've noticed that nothing lasts long: pain, happiness, money, nothing. I should just do whatever I want to do and get it over with and move on to the next thing before I die. Happiness is the one thing that is easiest to disappear from my life, so try not to be happy about many things, to lessen the hurt when they leave, but I can never do it. I try to keep it out of me, but it's still there. I try to make it like in the movies, when everything is going wrong and the guy is at the end of the rope, everything turns around and he lives happily ever after. I can never let go of this idea, no matter how hard I try.
Surrounded by walls and ceilings, there is little I can do. To go out into the night and see stars upon stars in the sky, I have to wonder if there are other people out there like me. I admire the natural beauty of what's been here longer than me and will be for many years. I spend hours on my roof trying to clear my head when I'm angry or depressed and sometime to get happier when I am happy, but that's rare; something always comes along and ruins my good time. I look at the moon and wonder how it stays up there, why it's there, how'd it get there, what's it made of...
The trees' simplicity make me feel overdone. The animals and insects all seem to have purpose in their lives, more purpose than me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go or how to get there.
There is no one purpose set in stone for me or anyone. The limit stops at me, at my mind. Whatever I can imagine I can do and be. I will not stay down like this and I will never give up. There's more to life than what's here now. I'm going to find happiness and it will stay, but I'll make sure to, at least, try to enjoy the journey and not focus only on the destination, because I don't know where it is. This could be my final destination. You never know when you're going to die, so make the best of your life! All we have is a lifetime to live.
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