you coming back to me
is against all odds
and that's what I've got to face
How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, oh
You're the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face
I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cause I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take
Just take a look at me now
Nov 30, 2009
Nov 27, 2009
Cougar much?
So I was at this perfume store called "Douglas" with my mom, right? There was this nice saleswoman in her early 40s. While mom was looking for cosmetics and an obvious gay effiminate guy with heavily smeared face was giving her samples and make up tips, that nice saleslady was showing me some new stuff from Gaultier and Joop!
She was very nice and she looked at me and said: "oh I know the perfect fragrance for you" and she took the bottle and first sprayed it on a piece of paper. Then she said "it's so much better when it gets in contact with your skin" and she touched my neck. Then she sprayed some of it on my neck and started rubbing it in. "you need to mix it with the smell of your own skin". Then she sniffed me and said, "yeees that smells good on you"
LOL That lady was totally hitting on me until mom saw it from the other side and came over and said "my SIXTEEN YEAR OLD son already found his fragrance, thank you."
the look on her face was epic.
btw, I'm gonna be 17 in a week. just saying. :-p
She was very nice and she looked at me and said: "oh I know the perfect fragrance for you" and she took the bottle and first sprayed it on a piece of paper. Then she said "it's so much better when it gets in contact with your skin" and she touched my neck. Then she sprayed some of it on my neck and started rubbing it in. "you need to mix it with the smell of your own skin". Then she sniffed me and said, "yeees that smells good on you"
LOL That lady was totally hitting on me until mom saw it from the other side and came over and said "my SIXTEEN YEAR OLD son already found his fragrance, thank you."
the look on her face was epic.
btw, I'm gonna be 17 in a week. just saying. :-p
Nov 17, 2009
Don't
the following is a poem from a friend of mine. Only someone who went through something like this can remotly understand what this poem is about and how beautiful it is in it's sadness.
taken from Duane's tumbler
Don’t
Dont look at me with pity, i need your strength
Dont crowd me with words, just let me talk
Dont touch me, i will reach out when im ready
Dont call me, i need time to think and work it through
Dont tell me how i should feel, feelings are beyond my control at this time
Dont stop my tears and screams, they are my path to release and healing
Dont cross the road to avoid me, just smile and say hello
Dont say you understand, just thank god that you cant
Dont be hurt by what i say or do, my pain is clouding my judgement
Dont think im going mad, im doing the best i can do to retain my sanity
Dont tell me i will forget, his memory is all i have left
and whatever you do
Dont think i dont appreciate you being here
taken from Duane's tumbler
Nov 10, 2009
No more tears left to cry
My tears run down like razorblades - And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you or is it me?
And all the words we never say - Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over
I lose myself in all these fights - I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever
It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over
Oct 30, 2009
I'm not asking for much
If you know me, love me and respect me, please give me 5 minutes of your life.
Oct 23, 2009
Samba de Janeiro
Today is Dominik's mother's 60th birthday. Since my mom and she are friends, mom decided to surprise her.
She made reservations in this brazilian restaurant where they have live music and brazilian dancers.
It was Jürgen, Mom, Christina, Domi's Dad, Domi's Mom, Dominik and I.
We all decided to go for the all you can eat, 9 types of different grilled meat. Except Mr. Dominik, who STILL thinks vegetarianism is the way to go.
Whatev. What's special about the restaurant is, that they are almost as many employees as guests there. OK, maybe I exagerate a bit, but there was a lot of them. Like every 2 minutes they came with, rice, beans, broccolli, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, they had even personell for the different sauces... funny :)
well, it works like this. The waiters come in with big portions of grilled meat and slice it right on your plate. Then the next guy comes with beef, then the other one with filet mignon etc etc
then suddenly we heard loud music coming out of the speakers and it was the "happy birthday" song. And it turned out 4 people were having their birthday party in this restaurant tonight.
After that, brazilian samba music was playing and two female dancers came out and started to put on a show. They were almost naked and only wore a bra and a thong and some feathers on their heads.
And they started to animate people to dance with them.
And guess who got up and danced?
Dominik. Is there a dance he doesn't know?
He was dancing Samba with them. Yes with the booty shaking and all. It was delicious :)
After we all were finished eating and before the dessert, Domi and I got up and went to the car to get our joint present for his mom.
It is a set of 4 canvasses and a lot of brushes and colors for her to paint.
She was very happy and she had a few tears in the corner of her eyes :)
That was a great night and I am so full and worn out and happy right now.. DOMI IS BACK :o) yaaaaay
We decided, since they came back from their holidays today, to spend the night each on our own but I'll be at his house first thing tomorrow. We have a lot to catch up to :P
She made reservations in this brazilian restaurant where they have live music and brazilian dancers.
It was Jürgen, Mom, Christina, Domi's Dad, Domi's Mom, Dominik and I.
We all decided to go for the all you can eat, 9 types of different grilled meat. Except Mr. Dominik, who STILL thinks vegetarianism is the way to go.
Whatev. What's special about the restaurant is, that they are almost as many employees as guests there. OK, maybe I exagerate a bit, but there was a lot of them. Like every 2 minutes they came with, rice, beans, broccolli, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, they had even personell for the different sauces... funny :)
well, it works like this. The waiters come in with big portions of grilled meat and slice it right on your plate. Then the next guy comes with beef, then the other one with filet mignon etc etc
then suddenly we heard loud music coming out of the speakers and it was the "happy birthday" song. And it turned out 4 people were having their birthday party in this restaurant tonight.
After that, brazilian samba music was playing and two female dancers came out and started to put on a show. They were almost naked and only wore a bra and a thong and some feathers on their heads.
And they started to animate people to dance with them.
And guess who got up and danced?
Dominik. Is there a dance he doesn't know?
He was dancing Samba with them. Yes with the booty shaking and all. It was delicious :)
After we all were finished eating and before the dessert, Domi and I got up and went to the car to get our joint present for his mom.
It is a set of 4 canvasses and a lot of brushes and colors for her to paint.
She was very happy and she had a few tears in the corner of her eyes :)
That was a great night and I am so full and worn out and happy right now.. DOMI IS BACK :o) yaaaaay
We decided, since they came back from their holidays today, to spend the night each on our own but I'll be at his house first thing tomorrow. We have a lot to catch up to :P
Oct 21, 2009
Answers
Found these questions on Steve's blog and thought I give it a go. His was interesting to read. Don't know what you'll think of mine.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my magic wand, because the water isn't that hot yet
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
grey
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Dominik? OH YES!
4. Do you plan outfits every day?.
No, I grab the first thing that is reachable. Sometimes it's like picking up something from the carpet, smell it and if it's still ok, I wear it.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
content. I have a bottle of VITAMALZ here and it's icecold and I just watched an episode of desperate housewives.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
the towel I dried my hair with this morning
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I think hard, but I really can't remember. Sometimes it's so realistic that I can't tell if I dreamt something or if it really happened to me.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yes I did. His name is Kevin and he's the new intern at mom's agency..
9. What are you craving right now?
Dominik's hug - he's at the north sea with his parents at their beach house.
10. Do you floss?
I use mouthwash.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
sex
12. Are you emotional?
yes, overly emotional. I'm trying to control it though and be more careless.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
When I was doing situpsand pushups, I used to count them. Best was 1800 situps in one week.. I'm not doing it anymore.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Hellooooo I'm gay. I'd never bite into it.
15. Do you like your hair?
no. not if I compare it to Dominik's hair. I used to have long hair when I was 13/14.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yes, I'm very much in love with myself. I mean, come on... who wouldn't tap this? :p ;o)
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
The question is: would he survive?
18. What are you listening to right now?
"Still got the blues for you" by Gary Moore (it's on the radio)
19. Are your parents strict?
No, mom is fairly reasonable when it comes to rules and stuff. It's good to have an older sister, because she already fought all the fights for me. All I gotta do is say "but Christina was allowed to when she was my age" :p
20. Would you go sky diving?
No. I have a fear of heights
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes. Sometimes I eat it plain with a spoon.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Well, yes, a few, since mom is in advertising and stuff and her company also organises events.
23. Do you rent movies often?
if "rent" means torrenting, then yes
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
a shiny silver air balloon with the words "happy 16th". It's out of air though
25. How many countries have you visited?
lots, USA, Germany, England, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, France, Czech Republic and Dubai
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
yeah, last month was the latest
27. Ever been on a train?
Yes. Is this a serious question? who hasn't?
28. Brown or white eggs?
White. I'm racist. No, really, is there a difference? I never cared.
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
who came up with these questions? OF COURSE.
30. Do you use chap stick?
yes, twice a day
31. Do you own a gun?
No, I don't live in the USA. Wait, asking for trains, cell phones and now guns... I think the creator of this survey is American.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes. it's easy.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My hand.
34. Are you too forgiving?
No, I'm not. Maybe after a long time I forgive, but I never forget. I should work on this.
35. Ever been in love?
this whole blog is about love. yes I have.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Probably miss me as much as I miss him.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
what are cream puffs?
38. Last time you cried?
A while back when I was talking to a friend on skype. I was moody the whole day and he was being very understanding and caring, so I opened up and started crying told him I miss my dad.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"what are cream puffs?"
40. Favorite time of the year?
summer vacation and December (Birthday and Christmas gifts. I love getting stuff, ok? ok!)
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I hate them.
42. Are you sarcastic?
Are you for real?
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Heard of it, but never seen. It's with Kutcher, right?
44.Ever walked into a wall?
no, but I've walked into a traffic pole. I remember that pain very well.
45. Favorite color?
black & blue
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, last time I even slapped someone with a closed fist. not proud of it.
47. Is your hair curly?
no
48. What was the last CD you bought?
The Complete Discography of "Bright Eyes". I "bought" it off the internet.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but really, believe me, I met one or two people who I've been with just based on looks and they had no brains, I swear. After a while it gets boring. It's like, you just go to them for sex and then you catch yourself leaving very fast. Because you are sick of hearing about how the earth is flat.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Well it depends, Domi and I talked about this. I have no problem with him being with a girl. He knows that but he hasn't felt the need to be with one. I guess I'm the better lover.
Wait, I just thought of something. Wouldn't it actuallybe my own fault if someone would cheat on me, because I would have failed to give them what they needed?
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I don't know, I'm on my mom's company plan. But I do have unlimited free calls to landlines and within the network of my service provider and I pretty much stick to that and don't call people on other networks.
52. Do you like your life right now?
yes, yes and yes
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
yes, except in my case it's the computer. I hardly watch German TV and usually I make a playlist of a few episodes of my favorite sitcoms and set it to "shut down after finishing"
54. Can you handle the truth?
Sure
55. Do you have good vision?
yes, no, maybe. how would I know? I don't wear glasses...
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
yes, I do
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Too much. when I'm not on the phone, I talk to people on skype. I'm very communicative
58. The last person you held hands with?
Dominik, the cutest creature on god's green earth
59. What are you wearing?
I'm about to go to bed, so, erm... does my blanket count?
60.What is your favorite animal?
I like dogs, never had one but I like them a lot. And Elephants. I love elephants. Also never had one :P
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
I don't know which one I use right now. But one is on a bench at a basketball court, the other one is on a massaging chair in a mall and one is on top of some building in NYC
62. Can you hula hoop?
hula hooping is the act of thrusting your hip back and for, right? I think I'd be an expert in hula hooping.;o)
63. Do you have a job?
Only one that gets paid with kisses, hugs and love. I do the computer maintenance for mom's agency.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
a bottle of VITAMALZ
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
I didn't, but Dominik did when he came over to my house at 5am a few months ago. He didn't want to wake my mom and called me on the phone but I was asleep and my phone was set to mute. I remember mom woke me up and said "Domi is outside, he's throwing things at your window. Get up and let him in. I go back to bed. Tell him I said hi."
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my magic wand, because the water isn't that hot yet
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
grey
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Dominik? OH YES!
4. Do you plan outfits every day?.
No, I grab the first thing that is reachable. Sometimes it's like picking up something from the carpet, smell it and if it's still ok, I wear it.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
content. I have a bottle of VITAMALZ here and it's icecold and I just watched an episode of desperate housewives.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
the towel I dried my hair with this morning
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I think hard, but I really can't remember. Sometimes it's so realistic that I can't tell if I dreamt something or if it really happened to me.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yes I did. His name is Kevin and he's the new intern at mom's agency..
9. What are you craving right now?
Dominik's hug - he's at the north sea with his parents at their beach house.
10. Do you floss?
I use mouthwash.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
sex
12. Are you emotional?
yes, overly emotional. I'm trying to control it though and be more careless.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
When I was doing situpsand pushups, I used to count them. Best was 1800 situps in one week.. I'm not doing it anymore.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Hellooooo I'm gay. I'd never bite into it.
15. Do you like your hair?
no. not if I compare it to Dominik's hair. I used to have long hair when I was 13/14.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yes, I'm very much in love with myself. I mean, come on... who wouldn't tap this? :p ;o)
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
The question is: would he survive?
18. What are you listening to right now?
"Still got the blues for you" by Gary Moore (it's on the radio)
19. Are your parents strict?
No, mom is fairly reasonable when it comes to rules and stuff. It's good to have an older sister, because she already fought all the fights for me. All I gotta do is say "but Christina was allowed to when she was my age" :p
20. Would you go sky diving?
No. I have a fear of heights
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes. Sometimes I eat it plain with a spoon.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Well, yes, a few, since mom is in advertising and stuff and her company also organises events.
23. Do you rent movies often?
if "rent" means torrenting, then yes
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
a shiny silver air balloon with the words "happy 16th". It's out of air though
25. How many countries have you visited?
lots, USA, Germany, England, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, France, Czech Republic and Dubai
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
yeah, last month was the latest
27. Ever been on a train?
Yes. Is this a serious question? who hasn't?
28. Brown or white eggs?
White. I'm racist. No, really, is there a difference? I never cared.
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
who came up with these questions? OF COURSE.
30. Do you use chap stick?
yes, twice a day
31. Do you own a gun?
No, I don't live in the USA. Wait, asking for trains, cell phones and now guns... I think the creator of this survey is American.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes. it's easy.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My hand.
34. Are you too forgiving?
No, I'm not. Maybe after a long time I forgive, but I never forget. I should work on this.
35. Ever been in love?
this whole blog is about love. yes I have.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Probably miss me as much as I miss him.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
what are cream puffs?
38. Last time you cried?
A while back when I was talking to a friend on skype. I was moody the whole day and he was being very understanding and caring, so I opened up and started crying told him I miss my dad.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"what are cream puffs?"
40. Favorite time of the year?
summer vacation and December (Birthday and Christmas gifts. I love getting stuff, ok? ok!)
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I hate them.
42. Are you sarcastic?
Are you for real?
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Heard of it, but never seen. It's with Kutcher, right?
44.Ever walked into a wall?
no, but I've walked into a traffic pole. I remember that pain very well.
45. Favorite color?
black & blue
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, last time I even slapped someone with a closed fist. not proud of it.
47. Is your hair curly?
no
48. What was the last CD you bought?
The Complete Discography of "Bright Eyes". I "bought" it off the internet.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but really, believe me, I met one or two people who I've been with just based on looks and they had no brains, I swear. After a while it gets boring. It's like, you just go to them for sex and then you catch yourself leaving very fast. Because you are sick of hearing about how the earth is flat.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Well it depends, Domi and I talked about this. I have no problem with him being with a girl. He knows that but he hasn't felt the need to be with one. I guess I'm the better lover.
Wait, I just thought of something. Wouldn't it actuallybe my own fault if someone would cheat on me, because I would have failed to give them what they needed?
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I don't know, I'm on my mom's company plan. But I do have unlimited free calls to landlines and within the network of my service provider and I pretty much stick to that and don't call people on other networks.
52. Do you like your life right now?
yes, yes and yes
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
yes, except in my case it's the computer. I hardly watch German TV and usually I make a playlist of a few episodes of my favorite sitcoms and set it to "shut down after finishing"
54. Can you handle the truth?
Sure
55. Do you have good vision?
yes, no, maybe. how would I know? I don't wear glasses...
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
yes, I do
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Too much. when I'm not on the phone, I talk to people on skype. I'm very communicative
58. The last person you held hands with?
Dominik, the cutest creature on god's green earth
59. What are you wearing?
I'm about to go to bed, so, erm... does my blanket count?
60.What is your favorite animal?
I like dogs, never had one but I like them a lot. And Elephants. I love elephants. Also never had one :P
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
I don't know which one I use right now. But one is on a bench at a basketball court, the other one is on a massaging chair in a mall and one is on top of some building in NYC
62. Can you hula hoop?
hula hooping is the act of thrusting your hip back and for, right? I think I'd be an expert in hula hooping.;o)
63. Do you have a job?
Only one that gets paid with kisses, hugs and love. I do the computer maintenance for mom's agency.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
a bottle of VITAMALZ
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
I didn't, but Dominik did when he came over to my house at 5am a few months ago. He didn't want to wake my mom and called me on the phone but I was asleep and my phone was set to mute. I remember mom woke me up and said "Domi is outside, he's throwing things at your window. Get up and let him in. I go back to bed. Tell him I said hi."
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