I'm a fool for you

http://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-R61rLBsGhY

Xist

I'm alive. I'm well. I'm happy.

bye

Je suis malade

Je ne fume plus
Je ne rêve plus
Je n'ai même plus d'histoire
Je suis sale sans toi
Je suis laide sans toi
Comme une orpheline dans un dortoir
Je n'ai plus envie
De vivre ma vie
Ma vie cesse quand tu pars
Je n'ai plus de vie
Et même mon lit
Se transforme en quai de gare
Quand tu t'en vas

Je suis malade
Complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Me laissant seul avec mon désespoir
Je suis malade
Complètement malade
J'arrive on ne sait jamais quand
Tu pars on ne sait jamais où
Et ça va faire bientôt deux ans
Que tu t'en fous

Comme à un rocher
Comme à un péché
Je suis accroché à toi
Je suis fatiguée, je suis épuisée
De faire semblant d'être heureuse
Quand ils sont là
Je bois toutes les nuits
Et tous les whiskys
Pour moi ont le même goût
Et tous les bateaux
Portent ton drapeau
Je ne sais plus où aller tu es partout

Je suis malade
Complètement malade
Je verse mon sang dans ton corps
Et je suis comme un oiseau mort
Quand toi tu dors
Je suis malade
Parfaitement malade
Tu m'as privée de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidée de tous mes mots
Pourtant moi j'avais du talent
Avant ta peau

Cet amour me tue
Si ça continue
Je crèverai seule avec moi
Près de ma radio
Comme un gosse idiot
Écoutant ma propre voix qui chantera

Je suis malade
Complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Et qu'elle me laissait seule avec mon désespoir
Je suis malade
C'est ça
Je suis malade
Tu m'as privée de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidée de tous mes mots
Et j'ai le coeur complètement malade
Cerné de barricades
T'endends
Je suis malade

Solitude

Von Gefühlen getrieben
Die sonst keiner hat
Ist es schwierig zu lieben
Das dünne Eis ist auch glatt
Ich kenn diese Stelle
Ich war da selbst schon
Du siehst deine Felle
Doch sie schwimmen davon

Vielleicht hilft es ein bisschen
Dort wo du gerade bist
Zu hören und zu wissen
Dass ich weiss, wie es ist
Ich spreche von Herzen
Glaub mir ich seh
Das Leid und die Schmerzen

Es tut weh, so weh, so weh

Allein und verlassen
Vom Rest dieser Welt
Beginnt man zu hassen
Was die Seele entstellt
Ich sing diese Zeilen
Um ein Trost zu sein
Vielleicht helfen sie einem
Nicht loszuschreien

Vielleicht hilft es ein bisschen
Dort wo du gerade bist
Zu hören und zu wissen
Dass ich weiss, wie es ist
Ich spreche von Herzen
Glaub mir ich seh
Das Leid und die Schmerzen

Es tut weh, so weh, so weh

Verdammt und verraten
Verloren und verkauft
Kann man lange darauf warten
Doch der Schmerz hört nicht auf
Das von Kränkung durchbohrte
Herz erstickt an der Last
Vielleicht geben meine Worte
dir ein wenig mehr Kraft

Vielleicht hilft es ein bisschen
Dort wo du gerade bist
Zu hören und zu wissen
Dass ich weiss, wie es ist
Ich spreche von Herzen
Glaub mir ich seh
Das Leid und die Schmerzen

Es tut weh, so weh, so weh

You Are My Sister

You are my sister, we were born
So innocent, so full of need
There were times we were friends but times I was so cruel
Each night I'd ask for you to watch me as I sleep
I was so afraid of the night
You seemed to move through the places that I feared
You lived inside my world so softly
Protected only by the kindness of your nature


You are my sister
And I love you
May all of your dreams come true

We felt so differently then
So similar over the years
The way we laugh the way we experience pain
So many memories
But theres nothing left to gain from remembering
Faces and worlds that no one else will ever know


You are my sister
And I love you
May all of your dreams come true
I want this for you
They're gonna come true (gonna come true)

toaster

Life

"Thinking Out Loud"

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

But, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

So, baby, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are
Oh, baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are

time...

I have so many things to talk about and so little time to do it.
Priority is a word I learned to understand in the last two weeks.
Setting priorities means that you don't have the time to care for the less important things in your life.
The question is, are there less important things in life? what does 'less important' mean? if it is not that important then why care about it at all? why not drop it completely?
So there is no 'less important thing'... either it's there or it's not. Why put a priority on it?

Time...

I neglected a lot of things in the past few weeks.
One and foremost my best of bestest friend, soulmate, partner in crime, greatest German basketball player since Nowitzki: Dominik, which I only came to talk to in school, during basketball practice and the one or two phone calls a day usually before going to sleep.

Time...

I haven't posted anything in here for a while although I have tons of things to tell... like this concert I have been to a week before last Friday, my surprise birthday party last Tuesday night, the presents I got from my mother last Wednesday, the present I got from Dominik and the present I got from Adam+Dominik. The fairy tale like date I had yesterday with my boyfriend. TONS of things to tell you guys about.

Time...

I also haven't talked to some of my online friends lately... like Sarah, I don't know how she is doing. Whenever I get the chance to come online she isn't there.
Lucas being another one... I miss them all. Lucas is getting ready for a trip from summer-hot New Zealand to winter-cold Europe very soon and I would like to know more about the things he has planned... maybe he'll come to Germany and we can meet.
So far I only promised him a good hot cup of coffee and a hug. I want to see if he just looks like a teddybear or if he also feels like one :o)

I promised Ellie aka theatre4evergirl to be on MSN to finally talk to her after writing messages and leaving comments on eachother's cahnnels for the last two months. Hell I don't even know how our adopted kitten HUGO is doing.

Time...

And my family... mostly my mom. I had to promise her something this morning at the breakfast table. The only present she wants for christmas is the present of time. Time to spend with me. Time for us to go to the movies... to have dinner in a nice restaurant... to talk.

Time is important. Make time for... give time to... and spend time with your loved ones.

Time...

This blog took me 30 minutes to write. And another 10 minutes to search for the appropriate music I want to post along with.



Lionel Richie - Time

Isn't it a pity

Dreams, that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face, anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good but
until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood
And I realize

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

Not over you

Damn, damn damn you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth.
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced

So until then

If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

Not over you
Not over you
Not over you

Friends half around the world

My heart is filled with euphoria and happiness because I can feel my friend's love for his boyfriend. I don't know Andrew yet but I'm sure Steve will introduce us some day. Thank you for making him so happy, Andrew :o)

"One thing that we like doing is we'll both sit at the piano and I will play and he will sing. He likes the song "When Somebody Loved Me" from Toy Story 2. I happened to have that song, and I played it for him and he shed a little tear. It was so cute. He stayed the night and it was so nice waking up next to him the next morning."   -   Steve - planetx_123

Love is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

AWESOME waterfall

Adorableness

I haven't blogged in a long time. Mainly it's because I don't have much to get off of my chest. Any problems I have I either discuss with my boyfriend or if it is about my boyfriend I talk to my friends.

I'm glad to see that the first little resentments towards Greggy are vanishing. At first my friends were angry at me and at him. Because we are spending so much time with each other. They said he was hogging me.
And it is true, I do spend less time on twitter and I haven't blogged in a while and I spend a lot of time with him.

But isn't it the purpose of life to do what makes you happy? He makes me happy. Way happier than being on twitter and feeding my ego by telling the world about the things I have done and fishing for attention and compliments. I don't need that anymore.

It's because he is giving me what I need. Happiness. Laughter. Fun.

and the feeling you get when you see a puppy or a baby or something really sad or something very emotional. He gives me the feeling of being overwhelmed by whatever it is I am feeling for him. Sometimes he is so adorable, I just want to eat him up. Seriously. He should be happy there are 1000km between the two of us. He would be in danger of getting his cheeks bitten.

I love him. And yesterday I wanted to express that love through the moon. Because it was a clear night I could see the full moon. I was talking to him on skype at that moment and I asked him if he could look outside and if he could see the moon too.

[04.07.2012 23:45:54] Nic: can you look out the window?
[04.07.2012 23:45:58] Nic: do you see the moon?
[04.07.2012 23:46:02] Greggy: okey love
[04.07.2012 23:46:03] Greggy: <3
[04.07.2012 23:46:52] Greggy: honey I cant see the moon but I can pretend I do
[04.07.2012 23:46:58] Greggy: if u have something to say
[04.07.2012 23:47:00] Nic: no no
[04.07.2012 23:47:05] Greggy:  <3
[04.07.2012 23:47:08] Nic: it's ok
[04.07.2012 23:47:14] Nic: it's a full moon
[04.07.2012 23:47:14] Greggy: mwah tell me love <3
[04.07.2012 23:47:20] Greggy: meaning?
[04.07.2012 23:47:24] Nic: nothing
[04.07.2012 23:47:33] Nic: I wanted us to look at it at the same time
[04.07.2012 23:47:50] Greggy: I love you
[04.07.2012 23:47:51] Greggy: I'm sorry
[04.07.2012 23:47:51] Greggy: <3

and not a whole minute later: 

[04.07.2012 23:48:45] Greggy: honey..do you see your windows logo on the bottom left?
[04.07.2012 23:48:53] Greggy: imagine it's our moon
[04.07.2012 23:48:56] Greggy: lets look at it together
[04.07.2012 23:48:59] Greggy: now
[04.07.2012 23:49:00] Greggy: :D
[04.07.2012 23:49:07] Greggy: mwah

I rest my case. I like twitter and my friends. And I like spending time with them occasionally. But seriously... I mean, SERIOUSLY... Do you understand it now?

Words just can't describe

Hey world... I love him twitter.com/NickysBoy/stat…
— G (@NickysBoy) May 16, 2012

He makes me so happy with the smallest things.
You have to see his smile... oh his smile <3
I can picture him smiling when he took that picture.
It makes it that more special.
I love him

YOU and I are like honey and bears

Lyrics
Hi
Boy you just caught my eye
thought I should give it try
and get your name & your number
go grab some lunch & eat cucumbers
WHY, DID I SAY THAT? 
I don't know why. 
But you're smilin' & it's something' i like 
on your face, yeah it suits you
boy we connect like we have bluetooth

i don't know why
I'm drawn to you 
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
and this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add then subtract

You & I
could be like sonny & cher
honey & bears
You & I 
could be like aladdin & jasmine
lets make it happen

La La's

Hey
How've you been?
I know that it's been awhile. 
Are you tired cause you've been on my mind
runnin' thousand & thousands of miles
Sorry, I know that line's outta style
but you
you look so beautiful on this starry night
loving the way the moonlight catches your eyes & your smile
i'm captivated
your beauty is timeless never outdated

i don't know why
I'm drawn to you 
Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?
and this is all based on a lucky chance
that you would rather add then subtract

babe
its been 6 months since that special day
when I asked you on our first date
i guess it's safe to say

Let me say
you look beautiful on our wedding day

Playing dirty

Every good relationship has it's ups and downs... the more you care for someone, the more intense and passionate a fight will be. However there should be rules... clear rules for fighting with your boyfriend.

I had a huge misunderstanding over something of high importance to me with Greggy and I was really really mad at him. This one was big and he knew he had screwed up so he kept on apologizing and wanting to talk to me about it when all I wanted was to be left alone and be angry. I needed to calm down and he was clearly not helping with his continuous attempts of getting to talk. Be it twitter DMs, skype, iphone messages or email.

BTW, I would like to make clear that only this time he screwed up. Usually it is me who does something stupid, But he can't stay mad at me for long... because... let's face it... I'm adorable ;)

Anyways... I was mad... really mad and I was trying to talk to someone else on skype while he kept on calling and it was getting hard to ignore him and I was so mad that I was afraid if I had taken his call I would have said really bad stuff that I would regret later.

So... eventually he stopped... for a whole 10 minutes... then he tried a new strategy... HE PLAYED DIRTY.

Out of the blue he sent me a link... I could see it was a youtube link... and my curiosity got the best of me and I had to click it. And what do I see?

(btw I renamed his skype to Honeybunny... I love him)


Honeybunny: I am trying...
Honeybunny: you say its not enough...
Honeybunny: I love you
Honeybunny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng

YES... ADELE... He posted a link to ADELE. "Make You Feel My Love"
what a cheap shot... he knows I am a big sucker for Adele.

How can I stay mad at him when he does that? So I replied:

Nic: let me be mad at you
Nic: i need to let the anger out
Honeybunny: why waste a minute of happiness with maddnes...its pointless
Honeybunny: let it out on me
Honeybunny: yell it out
Honeybunny: scream at me
Honeybunny: bite me
Honeybunny: just hug me in the end
Honeybunny: and tell me everything is gonna be alright

So... since I was still talking to my friend and trying not to think about the fight, I told him to stop writing me.

Nic: stop writing

And then,.ladies and gentlemen... here the game got really dirty... it was HUGE....
He left for 7 minutes then sent me a recorded memo on iMessage

Honeybunny: i imessaged you
Honeybunny: i sent you a memo since I can't write

OMG HOW ADORABLE IS THAT?




SERIOUSLY?



OMG!!!


It took me a lot of self convincing to not give in and stay angry to make my point...
The next day we talked and after spending some time away from him with my friends Alex and Domi and getting drunk.... oh wait... need to tell you guys about that.

yeah... the whole afternoon Domi was actually giving me advice on how to make things work with Greggy... and since I was drunk and Alex's mom took my car keys, it was Domi who drove me when Greggy asked me to come home and talk to him.

When I arrived home, the alcohol I had consumed earlier was doing it's work and I was very tired.
I managed to log in on skype while being in bed and I only talked to him in a very sleepy and soft voice.

"I love you Greggy. All is fine. I love you. Mwah... goodnight"

He was adorable. He IS adorable. I hate when we fight. I feel so bad being forced to be a dick to him. Just to make my point that my feelings are hurt. There must be a better way... I'm working on it. That's how relationships (and we as human beings) grow, right?

There is no one like you

I can do just friends

Fourteen

Fourteen years have passed.

My tears have dried.

You are the same, you haven't changed.

Still my hero, my light, my guide.

I love you,
your son

It's time - Part 2

We became friends... I shared a lot of my thoughts with him about my breakup with Domi and what I was going through. Within a few months he had become someone I started to trust and someone I really liked. 
I was very interested in his culture... even started learning a bit of Slovene.
I used to do silly things like going to google translator and type whole tweets in there and have wacky translations which I tweeted to him.


Part 2


At that time I was 18 and he was 15... "waaaay too young" I thought to myself and fought any possible thought or feeling from developing into something more than a friendship.
"Internet relationship? That's crazy, that will never work. You don't want that, Nic" I said to myself over and over again. 


In the meantime he didn't stop being adorable and cute and sweet and lovely. We kept on talking every day. He quickly tweeted himself into my friend's hearts. Everybody likes him. 
In September, for his 16th birthday I wanted to do something special for him. I just sent out some direct messages to people who knew him and were friends with him and asked them if they wanted to contribute to his birthday present. I was extremely surprised by the response and especially the quality of responses I received. It was awesome... I was soo soo soo happy...
It was HIS birthday present but I was the one who was as happy as a small child who gets candy. It was such an amazing thing to see the love that he received. 

Finally, a short time after his birthday, our friend James drove all the way from Birmingham to London to give him his present with a very nice birthday card. Grega was there on a 3-day school trip. He was so happy... James said he kept on saying thank you, thank you, thank you, all the time... I am so jealous that James got to witness that moment. 


Finally in October... actually on the 2nd... that's right... FOUR MONTHS AGO :), he and I were talking about us, our friendship and our feelings. He said: "Nic... DTR... define the relationship"... I couldn't hold back... I kept on lying to myself and thinking I had my feelings under control. But I couldn't fight it any longer... I said "I guess... we are... boyfriends?!" still a bit unsure...


That's all he needed to hear... he made it a big big big thing and didn't even give me the chance to paddle back or to rethink my choice of wording things.... hahahaha... he was amazing... he made us happen... all him... and I am so happy that he blew this up... kept me calling his boyfriend and how much he loved me.  
Oh Greggy, how much I love you.
I thought about us a lot... we had some very serious talks. We are also very silly and planning our future... talking about how we would live together, where we would work, how our children would be like, that he will be called Daddy while they would call me Papa :) 
I told him we should adopt cos I will not ruin my figure ;)


We even went on the IKEA website and looked at furniture for our future home.


I KNOW... WE ARE SILLY.... BUT WE ARE IN LOVE :o)


yesterday we celebrated our 4 month anniversary... he is very sweet. He makes me happy.


He makes me happy.


He makes me happy.

4 months of happiness

I love my boyfriend. He makes me so happy. Today is our 4th monthyversary :)

I hope he doesn't mind me posting our private conversation. But I have to show you guys how cute and sweet he is:

(I sent him a Christmas package and it contained one of those key-chain LED mini flashlights)

today he wrote


[23:07:14] Grega: you are a part of my life
[23:07:24] Grega: anywhere i go
[23:07:28] Grega: you are with me
[23:07:30] Grega: thank you for that
[23:07:33] Grega: and the light
[23:07:36] Grega: i always turn it on
[23:07:40] Grega: when i miss you
[23:07:47] Grega: its the way of showing you are with me
[23:07:52] Grega: the light you sent me
[23:07:53] Grega: i have it on my keys
[23:07:56] Grega: always in my pocket
[23:08:02] Grega: and i light it up few times a day
[23:08:24] Grega: people do it for me...cuz they want to see it..and i am so happy..when they do..i say..look...they are giving me nicky :D
[23:08:35] Grega: i light up my mouth..and you kiss me
[23:08:41] Grega: i light up my eyes..and you look at my eyes
[23:08:47] Grega: its my lucky charm now


GOD... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!