So you might be wondering, hey, Jake, where have you been? Well, I've been at college. This is a final presentation I made for one of my classes. It should be pretty enlightening as far as learning about me these days goes...
Dec 23, 2010
Dec 9, 2010
Nov 30, 2010
Milestones in life
This is hard for me to write but I need to get it out
Hey, how are you? I hope you are fine.
I've been thinking about you the whole day.
There is stuff happening in my life I wish I could share with you.
It's been a while since the last time I talked to you.
I've been listening to this song over and over again. And there is one line that keeps haunting me since the first time I heard it. You know I'm trying my best to be half the man you were. So I want to ask you the same question I heard in that song. Are you proud of who I am?
I miss you, dad.
Last Friday I passed the test to my driver's license. You can imagine how happy I was when he handed me that little piece of paper. I mean, can you imagine that or did you actually see me? I hope you didn't see me because I don't want you to see me when I am like this. I hope you didn't see me hugging my driving teacher instead of you. I hope you didn't see me when I went to the bathroom and cried because you weren't there to share that moment with me.
I miss you, dad.
In three days I will be turning 18. This will be another milestone in my life. They say I'll become a man. I don't feel like I'm a man. I wish I could be a man. I wish I could hold my head up high and be strong like a man. But I am not. I'm broken, dad. I am. I need you in my life to teach me how to be a man.
You know, they are trying... Jürgen tries, Domi's dad tries, some people I look up to try. But they can't replace you. Why couldn't you show me how to shave? Why did mom have to teach me how to knot a tie?
These are milestones a son has to share with his dad. I'm sharing them with you... in spirit. That's all I have. But I need to know:
Hey, how are you? I hope you are fine.
I've been thinking about you the whole day.
There is stuff happening in my life I wish I could share with you.
It's been a while since the last time I talked to you.
I've been listening to this song over and over again. And there is one line that keeps haunting me since the first time I heard it. You know I'm trying my best to be half the man you were. So I want to ask you the same question I heard in that song. Are you proud of who I am?
I miss you, dad.
Last Friday I passed the test to my driver's license. You can imagine how happy I was when he handed me that little piece of paper. I mean, can you imagine that or did you actually see me? I hope you didn't see me because I don't want you to see me when I am like this. I hope you didn't see me hugging my driving teacher instead of you. I hope you didn't see me when I went to the bathroom and cried because you weren't there to share that moment with me.
I miss you, dad.
In three days I will be turning 18. This will be another milestone in my life. They say I'll become a man. I don't feel like I'm a man. I wish I could be a man. I wish I could hold my head up high and be strong like a man. But I am not. I'm broken, dad. I am. I need you in my life to teach me how to be a man. You know, they are trying... Jürgen tries, Domi's dad tries, some people I look up to try. But they can't replace you. Why couldn't you show me how to shave? Why did mom have to teach me how to knot a tie?
These are milestones a son has to share with his dad. I'm sharing them with you... in spirit. That's all I have. But I need to know:
Are you proud of who I am?
Nov 26, 2010
Never make me sing this to you
I heard that you're settled down.
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the lie
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over.
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said:
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over yet.
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said:
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead".
Nothing compares, no worries or cares.
Regrets and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said:
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said:
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
- I will love you for eternity, Domi -
Nov 22, 2010
Nov 2, 2010
Gratitude
My ISP (Internet Service Provider) is the same as my TV cable company.
I have already expressed how awesome I think my new internet is with the downspeed of 4MB/s (32mbit/s).
On Sunday mom and I were watching TV when I accidentally knocked off the digital receiver. I didn't break it but the sensor for the remote control inside the receiver must have been out of it's place because we had to go very close with the remote to be able to switch the channels.
So I called my ISP/TV cable provider who also provided the receiver on a Sunday and told them about the problem. They said that it is no problem and they are gonna replace it within the next few days.
I asked if he can be more specific and he said "well, since Monday is a bank holiday, the technical department will receive your order on Tuesday... so your order will be delivered on Thursday at the latest."
I said ok and thanked him and hung up.
Now it is Tuesday... yesterday was a bank holiday and I just got a text from my sister, who is at home and she wanted to know if I had ordered anything cause there is a guy at the door waiting.
So I replied and asked "is it a receiver?" and she texted "yeah" and then I texted "sign for it".
Then, during break I called home and talked to her and she said that the guy came in, unpacked the new receiver, packed the old one... plugged it in, programmed the smart card and set up everything.
I thought it was so awesome that I called the guys from Unity Media (on a free number btw). I said "you know, a lot of people call you and complain whenever they have a problem. I just want to let you know that I am impressed and I want to thank you for the super-fast delivery and everything."
He was silent for a second cause apparently no one does stuff like that... haha... he asked me for my account number and I told him and he said "thank you Mr. G. I will note that in the system. Thank you very much for your call... I'd like to thank you with a free on-demand-movie"...
I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE NICE... it's like paying it forward... everyone is happy. everyone smiles...
there is GOOD in the world...
UNITYMEDIA... Go get it. You won't regret it.
I have already expressed how awesome I think my new internet is with the downspeed of 4MB/s (32mbit/s).
On Sunday mom and I were watching TV when I accidentally knocked off the digital receiver. I didn't break it but the sensor for the remote control inside the receiver must have been out of it's place because we had to go very close with the remote to be able to switch the channels.
So I called my ISP/TV cable provider who also provided the receiver on a Sunday and told them about the problem. They said that it is no problem and they are gonna replace it within the next few days.
I asked if he can be more specific and he said "well, since Monday is a bank holiday, the technical department will receive your order on Tuesday... so your order will be delivered on Thursday at the latest."
I said ok and thanked him and hung up.
Now it is Tuesday... yesterday was a bank holiday and I just got a text from my sister, who is at home and she wanted to know if I had ordered anything cause there is a guy at the door waiting.
So I replied and asked "is it a receiver?" and she texted "yeah" and then I texted "sign for it".
Then, during break I called home and talked to her and she said that the guy came in, unpacked the new receiver, packed the old one... plugged it in, programmed the smart card and set up everything.
I thought it was so awesome that I called the guys from Unity Media (on a free number btw). I said "you know, a lot of people call you and complain whenever they have a problem. I just want to let you know that I am impressed and I want to thank you for the super-fast delivery and everything."
He was silent for a second cause apparently no one does stuff like that... haha... he asked me for my account number and I told him and he said "thank you Mr. G. I will note that in the system. Thank you very much for your call... I'd like to thank you with a free on-demand-movie"...
I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE NICE... it's like paying it forward... everyone is happy. everyone smiles...
there is GOOD in the world...
UNITYMEDIA... Go get it. You won't regret it.
Oct 29, 2010
interruption...
of well deserved sleep.
I just kissed Domi goodnight and he went home. Apparently his mom went to his bedroom to check up on him and didn't find him there. So she decided to call him at 12:40am to find out where he is.
She knew he was coming over. But since it is a school night she didn't expect him to spend the night. Which he didn't even intend to do. We fell asleep on the couch.
Now I am tired as hell but can't sleep and my heart is totally beating fast.
Damn his ringtone is loud.
I just kissed Domi goodnight and he went home. Apparently his mom went to his bedroom to check up on him and didn't find him there. So she decided to call him at 12:40am to find out where he is.
She knew he was coming over. But since it is a school night she didn't expect him to spend the night. Which he didn't even intend to do. We fell asleep on the couch.
Now I am tired as hell but can't sleep and my heart is totally beating fast.
Damn his ringtone is loud.
Oct 13, 2010
Sep 27, 2010
Muffin
So I was tuning into this NZ radio show, minding my own business and listening to my friend Lucas who is the DJ there with his co host Silke (nice girl) when out of nowhere he says "mmmm I'm eating a muffin" then Silke says "it's a good muffin."
Lucas "I have to admit. This is one good muffin" then he plays some music only to interrupt in the middle to yell extaticly "I'm psyched, we have margarine".
I swear to god. I can't make up shit like that. It's too good to be made up. Lol. Anyways. So I email them and tell them that I think it's strange that Lucas is eating Silke's muffin LIVE on 95bfm. and he reads it out on air.
Then he says he thinks nothing's strange with that. And Silke adds "OMG and the smell. It smells sooo good" and Lucas agrees "yes that muffin smells really good".
ROFLMAOGIGALOL
Lucas "I have to admit. This is one good muffin" then he plays some music only to interrupt in the middle to yell extaticly "I'm psyched, we have margarine".
I swear to god. I can't make up shit like that. It's too good to be made up. Lol. Anyways. So I email them and tell them that I think it's strange that Lucas is eating Silke's muffin LIVE on 95bfm. and he reads it out on air.
Then he says he thinks nothing's strange with that. And Silke adds "OMG and the smell. It smells sooo good" and Lucas agrees "yes that muffin smells really good".
ROFLMAOGIGALOL
Sep 23, 2010
I apologize
Someone posted this comment on my last blogpost titled "Lloyd" last night
You are right. In my first reaction on his abrupt disappearance I did not consider that he doesn't want people to know. Although I remember he told a lot of his friends.
The fact that I am "stalking" him is beyond my control. I want my friend back. But again, you are right. I should leave it be. He had a good reason not to tell me or any of his other friends. I'm too emotionally involved in this and hence did not think. I apologize for that.
I have deleted that blogpost and also the information on twitter. I have also set my twitter account to private.
Again, I'm sorry for looking for him. And I'm glad you set me straight and teach me how people should behave appropriately when a person they love just disappears without warning.
Apparently you have a very good idea of my relationship with him and you know that it's nothing more than just a friend "not telling me where he went".
You've said your peace, you set me straight, you even posted my skype ID on /b/ (whatever that shit is) so I got tons of nasty let-me-add-you-nic-I-saw-you-on-/b/ requests. Now that you've done all of that, you can move on. And I'm gonna try to do the same.
Anonymous said...
Did you ever consider that he might not be ok with you blaring out all this personal stuff about him? Don't you think he had his reasons not to tell anyone about his condition? It's bad enough that you apparently try to stalk him now just because he dared to not tell you where he went . But giving the whole internet the information to do the same is really beyond naive. You sir, are an idiot.
You are right. In my first reaction on his abrupt disappearance I did not consider that he doesn't want people to know. Although I remember he told a lot of his friends.
The fact that I am "stalking" him is beyond my control. I want my friend back. But again, you are right. I should leave it be. He had a good reason not to tell me or any of his other friends. I'm too emotionally involved in this and hence did not think. I apologize for that.
I have deleted that blogpost and also the information on twitter. I have also set my twitter account to private.
Again, I'm sorry for looking for him. And I'm glad you set me straight and teach me how people should behave appropriately when a person they love just disappears without warning.
Apparently you have a very good idea of my relationship with him and you know that it's nothing more than just a friend "not telling me where he went".
You've said your peace, you set me straight, you even posted my skype ID on /b/ (whatever that shit is) so I got tons of nasty let-me-add-you-nic-I-saw-you-on-/b/ requests. Now that you've done all of that, you can move on. And I'm gonna try to do the same.
Sep 19, 2010
Lloyd
So this is what is going on
Nic: well, you know how sometime last year around this time I got introduced to this whole new world of gay bloggers?
Sasa: yes
Nic: about half a year ago, someone new came in to that group
Nic: he is not a blogger
Sasa: ok
Nic: he is from the Philippines and his name is Lloyd
Nic: he is 17
Sasa: ok
Nic: and trust me when I say, he is like
Nic: the most wonderful person you can meet on the internet
Nic: with a heart of gold
Nic: and so much love
Sasa: oh i thought that was you :)
Nic: :)
Nic: Lloyd is me times 1.000.000
Sasa: ok
Nic: about 4 days ago a friend of mine who I looked up to
Nic: his name is Charlie
Nic: he decided to quit twitter
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I was very upset because Charlie was like a
Nic: for the lack of a better word, he was like a father figure to me
Nic: and him leaving twitter was like he was leaving me and our friendship
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I took it bad
Nic: so, Lloyd called me on skype and said he needed to talk to me
Sasa: ok
Nic: he said he may have to leave twitter too
Nic: and he thinks I am gonna be hurt, so he needs to talk to me about that before leaving
Sasa: special reason?
Nic: then he said he has this heart condition
Nic: later I found out that he was born with a hole in his heart
Nic: and he needs surgery
Nic: once a year he goes through some tests
Nic: and they say if they have to operate on him or not
Nic: well, he made that test about two weeks ago
Sasa: ok
Nic: he said the results have arrived but he was trying to put it off
Nic: he didn't want his parents to find out about the results
Nic: because he said, he doesn't want that surgery because he is gonna end up a cripple or vegetable in bed
Nic: so he was scared
Nic: and he said: it might not be the case
Nic: it MIGHT not be the case
Nic: and he said that maybe he doesn't have to
Sasa: ok
Nic: and this operation is in the far far future
Nic: oh and the worst part
Nic: he said if his parents force him to have that operation he rather kills himself
Nic: and he was very serious about it
Sasa: hm
Nic: so, I didn't really acknowledge that, since he said it is gonna be in the far far future
Nic: then
Nic: the day after
Nic: he asked me to have a short skype call
Nic: and I said, sure, I have ten minutes
Nic: because he said, he also had just ten minutes, because he had to go study
Nic: and I said ok
Nic: then I had this convo with him
Nic: and it was short
Nic: and during those 10 minutes he was normal
Nic: nothing special
Nic: except, he said I love you a lot
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I was like: what is going on? have you opened your results yet?
Nic: and he said no
Nic: and then
Nic: I asked if he is ok and he said yes
Nic: and then I told him that I was starving and needed breakfast
Nic: and he said "ok, I need to go too"
Nic: so, I wasn't really thinking anything bad
Nic: the next day, my friend torchy asked me in a direct message if
Nic: if a certain email address was Lloyd's email?
Nic: because he got an email and he didn't know from whom it was.
Sasa: was it lloyds?
Nic: and I got suspicious, because Lloyd said that he doesn't want anyone to know, and he will talk to torchy and our other friend Peter
Nic: yes it was his
Nic: so I freaked a little and asked if he said anything weird in it
Nic: torchy said, no, except the sign off could have sounded a bit like a goodbye
Nic: I immediately knew what was going on
Nic: so
Nic: I asked Pete to show me the email he got
Nic: he was asleep and I cried a lot
Nic: later he came online and pasted me the email he got
Nic: and that was just
Nic: let me paste it to you
Sasa: ok
Nic: "oi,..... i know we've only been "internet friends" for such a short
while, but meh, i just wanted you to know i love you, as a friend, as
a person... as Petey,and i know you might not believe me or get it,
but i truly do... i wish i knew you IRL so you can look me in the eyes
know for yourself that I'm sincere..... anyways.... yeah... good rest
of the day and I LOVES YOU <3 <3 <3 *hugs* stay safe!"
Sasa: ok
Nic: see that I LOVE YOU?
Sasa: yes
Nic: when we had that last conversation he said I love you a lot, 3 times before he hung up
Nic: right before he hung up he said that again
Nic: fuck
Sasa: you think he killed himself?
Nic: I don't know, I'm not sure
Nic: I keep going back to his twitter and check his tweets
Sasa: that's fucked up.
Nic: I think he had something coming
Nic: he must have had an appointment for hospital or something
Nic: because he said:
Nic: "*clock ticks* so long >__> get it over with already!"
Nic: and the last thing he posted was weird too
Nic: "Live to Love, Love to Live <3"
Sasa: is there any way you could get confirmation, proof, anything?
Nic: no, there is no way I can get any confirmation
Sasa: hm but if he loves to live ...
Nic: we don't know much about his address
Nic: that's what I am hoping for
Nic: I am hoping he is in surgery now
Nic: I am hoping he will be back
Nic: I am hoping he will call me again one day
Sasa: hm
Nic: I can't stop thinking about him
Nic: I am crying constantly
Sasa: if he IS in surgery, how long would he be gone? a week? a month?
Nic: I don't know... dad's heart surgery's were like two weeks in hospital and then bedrest for another month
Sasa: so you don't know anything for the next 2 months
Nic: I am searching google for all the tiny bits of information he has given me about his life
Nic: I know his mom is an art teacher
Sasa: I'm so sorry Nic
Nic: I know he lives across some born again christian church
Nic: fuck
Nic: it is hurting so much
Sasa: (hug)
Nic: he thought by not telling us he would avoid us being worried about him
Nic: but
Nic: I don't know
Nic: I
Nic: I miss him so much
Sasa: i refuse to let you give up hope.
Sasa: do you know in which city he lives?
Nic: no I don't
Nic: so sorry, I can't talk now
Sasa: do you know his full name?
Nic: I need to calm down
Sasa: i want you to hang on for a little while longer Nic, cause maybe he IS in surgery
Nic: I hope he is, Sarah
Nic: I so hope that
Nic: he loved life
Nic: he was such a happy person
Nic: always positive
Sasa: he IS a happy person
Sasa: Nici?
Nic: yes?
Sasa: don't give up
Sasa: please
Nic: I'm not
Nic: I just miss him
Sasa: (hug)
I'm not gonna say goodbye to you - you are gonna come back - I LOVE YOU
Live to Love, Love to Live <3
Nic: well, you know how sometime last year around this time I got introduced to this whole new world of gay bloggers?
Sasa: yes
Nic: about half a year ago, someone new came in to that group
Nic: he is not a blogger
Sasa: ok
Nic: he is from the Philippines and his name is Lloyd
Nic: he is 17
Sasa: ok
Nic: and trust me when I say, he is like
Nic: the most wonderful person you can meet on the internet
Nic: with a heart of gold
Nic: and so much love
Sasa: oh i thought that was you :)
Nic: :)
Nic: Lloyd is me times 1.000.000
Sasa: ok
Nic: about 4 days ago a friend of mine who I looked up to
Nic: his name is Charlie
Nic: he decided to quit twitter
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I was very upset because Charlie was like a
Nic: for the lack of a better word, he was like a father figure to me
Nic: and him leaving twitter was like he was leaving me and our friendship
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I took it bad
Nic: so, Lloyd called me on skype and said he needed to talk to me
Sasa: ok
Nic: he said he may have to leave twitter too
Nic: and he thinks I am gonna be hurt, so he needs to talk to me about that before leaving
Sasa: special reason?
Nic: then he said he has this heart condition
Nic: later I found out that he was born with a hole in his heart
Nic: and he needs surgery
Nic: once a year he goes through some tests
Nic: and they say if they have to operate on him or not
Nic: well, he made that test about two weeks ago
Sasa: ok
Nic: he said the results have arrived but he was trying to put it off
Nic: he didn't want his parents to find out about the results
Nic: because he said, he doesn't want that surgery because he is gonna end up a cripple or vegetable in bed
Nic: so he was scared
Nic: and he said: it might not be the case
Nic: it MIGHT not be the case
Nic: and he said that maybe he doesn't have to
Sasa: ok
Nic: and this operation is in the far far future
Nic: oh and the worst part
Nic: he said if his parents force him to have that operation he rather kills himself
Nic: and he was very serious about it
Sasa: hm
Nic: so, I didn't really acknowledge that, since he said it is gonna be in the far far future
Nic: then
Nic: the day after
Nic: he asked me to have a short skype call
Nic: and I said, sure, I have ten minutes
Nic: because he said, he also had just ten minutes, because he had to go study
Nic: and I said ok
Nic: then I had this convo with him
Nic: and it was short
Nic: and during those 10 minutes he was normal
Nic: nothing special
Nic: except, he said I love you a lot
Sasa: ok
Nic: and I was like: what is going on? have you opened your results yet?
Nic: and he said no
Nic: and then
Nic: I asked if he is ok and he said yes
Nic: and then I told him that I was starving and needed breakfast
Nic: and he said "ok, I need to go too"
Nic: so, I wasn't really thinking anything bad
Nic: the next day, my friend torchy asked me in a direct message if
Nic: if a certain email address was Lloyd's email?
Nic: because he got an email and he didn't know from whom it was.
Sasa: was it lloyds?
Nic: and I got suspicious, because Lloyd said that he doesn't want anyone to know, and he will talk to torchy and our other friend Peter
Nic: yes it was his
Nic: so I freaked a little and asked if he said anything weird in it
Nic: torchy said, no, except the sign off could have sounded a bit like a goodbye
Nic: I immediately knew what was going on
Nic: so
Nic: I asked Pete to show me the email he got
Nic: he was asleep and I cried a lot
Nic: later he came online and pasted me the email he got
Nic: and that was just
Nic: let me paste it to you
Sasa: ok
Nic: "oi,..... i know we've only been "internet friends" for such a short
while, but meh, i just wanted you to know i love you, as a friend, as
a person... as Petey,and i know you might not believe me or get it,
but i truly do... i wish i knew you IRL so you can look me in the eyes
know for yourself that I'm sincere..... anyways.... yeah... good rest
of the day and I LOVES YOU <3 <3 <3 *hugs* stay safe!"
Sasa: ok
Nic: see that I LOVE YOU?
Sasa: yes
Nic: when we had that last conversation he said I love you a lot, 3 times before he hung up
Nic: right before he hung up he said that again
Nic: fuck
Sasa: you think he killed himself?
Nic: I don't know, I'm not sure
Nic: I keep going back to his twitter and check his tweets
Sasa: that's fucked up.
Nic: I think he had something coming
Nic: he must have had an appointment for hospital or something
Nic: because he said:
Nic: "*clock ticks* so long >__> get it over with already!"
Nic: and the last thing he posted was weird too
Nic: "Live to Love, Love to Live <3"
Sasa: is there any way you could get confirmation, proof, anything?
Nic: no, there is no way I can get any confirmation
Sasa: hm but if he loves to live ...
Nic: we don't know much about his address
Nic: that's what I am hoping for
Nic: I am hoping he is in surgery now
Nic: I am hoping he will be back
Nic: I am hoping he will call me again one day
Sasa: hm
Nic: I can't stop thinking about him
Nic: I am crying constantly
Sasa: if he IS in surgery, how long would he be gone? a week? a month?
Nic: I don't know... dad's heart surgery's were like two weeks in hospital and then bedrest for another month
Sasa: so you don't know anything for the next 2 months
Nic: I am searching google for all the tiny bits of information he has given me about his life
Nic: I know his mom is an art teacher
Sasa: I'm so sorry Nic
Nic: I know he lives across some born again christian church
Nic: fuck
Nic: it is hurting so much
Sasa: (hug)
Nic: he thought by not telling us he would avoid us being worried about him
Nic: but
Nic: I don't know
Nic: I
Nic: I miss him so much
Sasa: i refuse to let you give up hope.
Sasa: do you know in which city he lives?
Nic: no I don't
Nic: so sorry, I can't talk now
Sasa: do you know his full name?
Nic: I need to calm down
Sasa: i want you to hang on for a little while longer Nic, cause maybe he IS in surgery
Nic: I hope he is, Sarah
Nic: I so hope that
Nic: he loved life
Nic: he was such a happy person
Nic: always positive
Sasa: he IS a happy person
Sasa: Nici?
Nic: yes?
Sasa: don't give up
Sasa: please
Nic: I'm not
Nic: I just miss him
Sasa: (hug)
I'm not gonna say goodbye to you - you are gonna come back - I LOVE YOU
Live to Love, Love to Live <3
Sep 13, 2010
thank you, my friends
Over time a lot of you have said a lot of nice things to me.
Here is the latest and it is a skype conversation, because that person (a nice guy from Spain) wanted to tell me in person:
"hi Nic, uhm, we've been tweeting for the past two months? I never read your blog. you got to know me from VB, right?
then, during my last week in the Philippines I got curious about your blog. And believe it or not, in one sitting, i read it from the very first entry you made to the last one.
first : im very happy you ended up with Domi, and he's such a cutie (bleeeh :P) and that you are very very fortunate that out of all the boylets in the world, he belongs to you :)
second : my sister called me a dork, cos I was laughing all through out the time I was reading your blog. You really amaze people - including me.
lastly, and I'm saying this with all my heart, thank you for sharing a portion of your life to me. You inspire me, you make me laugh and smile, you make me feel in love, you make me sad and you made me listen to a Beethoven song I have not EVER imagined i'll listen to :P
Nic man you're the best :)
Nic: thank you so much that is very very sweet of you
no, thanks to you. :) so please, don't stop making blogs and don't stop tweeting. think about us. lol :P
Nic: :) thank you, [his name]... I'm not planing to stop. I just needed time off to rethink things...
good"
You all know me as that cool, aloof, hardly-showing-any-emotions-guy, right? ;)
well... that pretty much made my day :o)
Here is the latest and it is a skype conversation, because that person (a nice guy from Spain) wanted to tell me in person:
"hi Nic, uhm, we've been tweeting for the past two months? I never read your blog. you got to know me from VB, right?
then, during my last week in the Philippines I got curious about your blog. And believe it or not, in one sitting, i read it from the very first entry you made to the last one.
second : my sister called me a dork, cos I was laughing all through out the time I was reading your blog. You really amaze people - including me.
lastly, and I'm saying this with all my heart, thank you for sharing a portion of your life to me. You inspire me, you make me laugh and smile, you make me feel in love, you make me sad and you made me listen to a Beethoven song I have not EVER imagined i'll listen to :P
Nic man you're the best :)
Nic: thank you so much that is very very sweet of you
no, thanks to you. :) so please, don't stop making blogs and don't stop tweeting. think about us. lol :P
Nic: :) thank you, [his name]... I'm not planing to stop. I just needed time off to rethink things...
good"
You all know me as that cool, aloof, hardly-showing-any-emotions-guy, right? ;)
well... that pretty much made my day :o)
Sep 8, 2010
I'm feeling yankee doodle dandy
Wednesday, 11:37am. I just got out of bed and had something to eat.
For over a week I'm being in a state I don't like and I don't know when it will pass.
It started with mom forbidding me to work at that bistro/cafe/burger place. I made good money there and I got a lot of tips. I was getting closer to my dream of buying my own brand new car as soon as I get my driver's licence. But now I am about 3,000 Euros away from it and frankly, I don't even want to buy it anymore.
But that is not the reason why I am depressed. It's the sum of a lot of negative things around me right now.
Mostly it is about my relationships. With Domi, with my mom, with my friends, online and offline.
I have high expectations which are not being... not being... what's the word? Not being fulfilled?!
Whoever you ask, they will tell you I'm a happy guy. Always being positive and nice.
That has changed for a week now and I'm hating it.
It creeped it's way through my whole body. I have pain in places I didn't even know existed. I want to puke, I want to puke it out and get rid of it.
I can't sleep. Either I go to bed really late or I wake up earlier than I should and lay awake for hours listening to music or just staring at the ceiling.
Last night I tried something new. I know alcohol gets me sleepy. So I had one of those mango flavored alcopops. They are just a tiny bit stronger than beer, so... no, I didn't get drunk.
I fell asleep at 2:30am and woke up at 6 to get ready for school.
After taking a shower I sat there on the corner of my bed to air dry and suddenly I felt a strong sadness. I can only describe it as something creeping through your body, getting inside of every bone. I don't know how else to describe that feeling.
I crawled back in under the sheets and texted Domi that I'm skipping school today.
At around 7 Domi came over and said hi to mom. She was just about to leave. I told her I was not going to school today and told her why. She was ok with it.
Domi came in and at first sat next to me. He started asking me all kinds of questions to analyze why I am the way I am. I hate it when he tries to analyze me. I told him I don't know and I yelled at him to leave me the fuck alone.
But he did the opposite. He crawled in next to me and said "ok, yell at me as much as you want, I won't go away" and began stroking my head.
At that moment I lost it... and I'm man enough to talk about it... I turned to him, put my head on his chest and started sobbing. I cried and cried and cried...
I don't know who I am right now. I'm a mess. I can't explain it to myself. How can I explain it to you?
Eventually I fell asleep again. He must have left for school shortly after. When I woke up I found a note: "I'll be back after school, don't go anywhere..." yeah... as if I would go anywhere...
12:06pm
------------------
I just texted him and he said he's gonna be over in about an hour.
They say crying helps... but I don't feel any different.
Really, it can't be about something stupid as a car. Why is this happening to me?
I never had a conversation with a shrink, and I don't know how it works in Germany... I think I need help.
Somebody needs to explain to me why I am what I am.
Aug 25, 2010
-being online- on the line
I don't know where to start.
Hi everybody who still reads my blog.
I've been questioning my life on the internet for the last few days.
Not only do I spend 1/4 of my day on the internet and hence don't do a lot of stuff that needs to be done, I also share too much of my private life. Actually I think you guys (at least those on twitter) know every aspect of my life by now. I've also had a few arguments with Domi about sharing details on our sex life too... being the total opposite of me when it comes to the internet, he has told me several times to leave him out of all that.
I explained to him that I need the internet as an outlet and that I can't talk with him about that stuff when it's about him... I mean... not the bad things... the good things... like, I don't know.... how cute he is, how great he is, bla bla... sex included.
I used to be part of a basketball team up until a couple of months ago. Now that I am not, I hang around the net too much. Domi is out of the team too, but he has piano lessons and music and all the other things that I am not allowed to mention.
And it sure doesn't help that I have some really really nice friends from Jamaica over Mexico to US to Europe, Malaysia, Vietnam, the Philippines and Australia and New Zealand.
How can I not be "addicted" to their stories, their culture, their kind souls and... well their friendship, their wisdom and their advice?
Last year around fall I was amused at a tweet of a friend who said: "congratulations to xyz on her 13,264th tweet" indicating she just talked too much nonsense on twitter. Now I have over 16,000 tweets myself.
I need to back off and regroup... what am I doing there? I used to blog way more... now I don't cause I end up telling it to someone on twitter or talk to them about it on skype.
So I miss out on writing some awesome stuff down. This blog is a journal after all and I like going back and reading stuff. Hell, I like going back and let friends read stuff to me while on skype and when I am too clingy to hang up so I ask them to read my own blog to me untl I fall asleep. And for some reason they DO IT...
What I wanna say is, I should cut back.
Like this week for instance... I have stopped tweeting for two or three days and already I have achieved a lot.
Besides the job at the agency that mom got me, I have taken a second job for this week where I help reorganizing some storage... hard labor, but also very good money.
Money I can use for my driver's licence and guess what... I even started my first lesson (theory lesson) yesterday.
School will start again next week, so I can forget about my first job.
I don't know why I am doing this blogpost... oh yeah... now I remember... I want to get it off my chest.
hmmm, I feel like I still have left out a lot of things that happened.
I miss some people already... I think about them several times a day. <4
I'm gonna go to bed now... goodnight.
Hi everybody who still reads my blog.
Not only do I spend 1/4 of my day on the internet and hence don't do a lot of stuff that needs to be done, I also share too much of my private life. Actually I think you guys (at least those on twitter) know every aspect of my life by now. I've also had a few arguments with Domi about sharing details on our sex life too... being the total opposite of me when it comes to the internet, he has told me several times to leave him out of all that.
I explained to him that I need the internet as an outlet and that I can't talk with him about that stuff when it's about him... I mean... not the bad things... the good things... like, I don't know.... how cute he is, how great he is, bla bla... sex included.
I used to be part of a basketball team up until a couple of months ago. Now that I am not, I hang around the net too much. Domi is out of the team too, but he has piano lessons and music and all the other things that I am not allowed to mention.
And it sure doesn't help that I have some really really nice friends from Jamaica over Mexico to US to Europe, Malaysia, Vietnam, the Philippines and Australia and New Zealand.
How can I not be "addicted" to their stories, their culture, their kind souls and... well their friendship, their wisdom and their advice?
Last year around fall I was amused at a tweet of a friend who said: "congratulations to xyz on her 13,264th tweet" indicating she just talked too much nonsense on twitter. Now I have over 16,000 tweets myself.
I need to back off and regroup... what am I doing there? I used to blog way more... now I don't cause I end up telling it to someone on twitter or talk to them about it on skype.
So I miss out on writing some awesome stuff down. This blog is a journal after all and I like going back and reading stuff. Hell, I like going back and let friends read stuff to me while on skype and when I am too clingy to hang up so I ask them to read my own blog to me untl I fall asleep. And for some reason they DO IT...
What I wanna say is, I should cut back.
Like this week for instance... I have stopped tweeting for two or three days and already I have achieved a lot.
Besides the job at the agency that mom got me, I have taken a second job for this week where I help reorganizing some storage... hard labor, but also very good money.
Money I can use for my driver's licence and guess what... I even started my first lesson (theory lesson) yesterday.
School will start again next week, so I can forget about my first job.
I don't know why I am doing this blogpost... oh yeah... now I remember... I want to get it off my chest.
hmmm, I feel like I still have left out a lot of things that happened.
I miss some people already... I think about them several times a day. <4
I'm gonna go to bed now... goodnight.
Aug 21, 2010
first time
The important thing is... I'm here with you...
and I'm prepared to give myself to you...
body... mind... and soul
This is gonna be the most magical night of our lives...
(Jackie to Michael in "that 70's show")
God, I'm so glad I'm not a chick...
and gay :o)
and I'm prepared to give myself to you...
body... mind... and soul
This is gonna be the most magical night of our lives...
(Jackie to Michael in "that 70's show")
God, I'm so glad I'm not a chick...
and gay :o)
Aug 19, 2010
passive aggressive
you all know how much I like my sister, right?
Last Thursday it was her birthday and on Saturday she had a big birthday party.
Because she didn't want to have me there and frankly I didn't want to be there as well, I got mom's permission for one day to escape my prison (still grounded btw).
I'm gonna tell about that awesome day at IKEA with Domi and the board game that we played with our friends called "therapy" and the wine tasting we went to with his parents on another occasion.
What I want to tell you today is about the present I got for my sister.
OH YES, I GOT HER A PRESENT.
I gave her a small package nicely put in gift-wrap and with a nice card saying:
"I hope this will bring you closer to your goal :o)"
When she opened it she found a pack of cigarettes.
Last Thursday it was her birthday and on Saturday she had a big birthday party.
Because she didn't want to have me there and frankly I didn't want to be there as well, I got mom's permission for one day to escape my prison (still grounded btw).
I'm gonna tell about that awesome day at IKEA with Domi and the board game that we played with our friends called "therapy" and the wine tasting we went to with his parents on another occasion.
What I want to tell you today is about the present I got for my sister.
OH YES, I GOT HER A PRESENT.
I gave her a small package nicely put in gift-wrap and with a nice card saying:
"I hope this will bring you closer to your goal :o)"
When she opened it she found a pack of cigarettes.
Aug 6, 2010
I love your humor
Actually I love everything about you...
Guys, Domi came to the office today to pay me a visit. He came in, gave me a hug and said in a serious voice "I drove FOUR WHOLE KILOMETERS with the underground to get to you... just so you know..."
then he smiled with his big smile and we started laughing for 3 minutes straight... we couldn't stop.
Guys, Domi came to the office today to pay me a visit. He came in, gave me a hug and said in a serious voice "I drove FOUR WHOLE KILOMETERS with the underground to get to you... just so you know..."
then he smiled with his big smile and we started laughing for 3 minutes straight... we couldn't stop.
Aug 4, 2010
If you want to kill yourself... be my guest
I'm seriously disgusted.
Apparently my sister has started smoking cigarettes half a year ago. And she's already at the point of two packages a week.
Mom knew about this too.
For some reason she actually cared to hide it from me for half a year.
But now that I know (and I know for about two weeks now) she has totally changed her behavior.
She is smoking outside in the garden. She even smokes when I am sitting outside.
And she stinks. She really stinks.
I can't believe she is doing such a disgusting thing.
Our dad died of his 4th heart attack... the first two he had at the ages of 35 and 40ish.
He used to smoke two packages a day.
I can't even put into words how disrespectful, disgusting and simply STUPID it is of her.
God... just when I thought I can't hate her more.
Apparently my sister has started smoking cigarettes half a year ago. And she's already at the point of two packages a week.
Mom knew about this too.
For some reason she actually cared to hide it from me for half a year.
But now that I know (and I know for about two weeks now) she has totally changed her behavior.
She is smoking outside in the garden. She even smokes when I am sitting outside.
And she stinks. She really stinks.
I can't believe she is doing such a disgusting thing.
Our dad died of his 4th heart attack... the first two he had at the ages of 35 and 40ish.
He used to smoke two packages a day.
I can't even put into words how disrespectful, disgusting and simply STUPID it is of her.
God... just when I thought I can't hate her more.
Aug 2, 2010
"craziest thing ever"... maybe
Nah... there are way crazier things in the world.
For a lot of people that little thing I did yesterday was crazy.
For me it was a necessity.
Domi has been in Bavaria with his family for what was supposed to be a 1,5 week vacation... but his dad decided to add another week to it. I missed him a lot and I was really upset. Especially in the evenings when I came home from my summer job and had time to ponder over stupid stuff...
It reached the point that on Saturday, one day before they were scheduled to come home I posted this on twitter:
It was a beautiful Sunday morning when I decided to pack my rucksack with 5 bananas, 3 bottles of water and a few energy bars. I had a weird idea but wasn't sure if I should follow through. So I took my bike and let my legs do the thinking.
But let the tweets speak for themselves, shall we?
We almost never kiss or hold hands in front of his dad... I don't know why, maybe because we don't want to overload him with the gay thing... he still has a hard time with the fact that his "straight" son is in a gay relationship. But he is very very silent about that... he tries his best. He is a good person.
Anyways... Domi didn't care... he gave me one of the best hugs ever... And I don't know if it was my exhausted legs or relief that we are united again or love or whatever... but... at that moment I felt zero gravity... I couldn't move because every muscle in my body hurt and was as heavy as a rock... but at that moment in his arms... *sigh* I LOVE YOU.
His mom immediately called my mom and told her they've picked me up.
I sat in the back while Domi and his dad towed my bike to this transporting thing on the back... Domi sat next to me and held my hand (another thing we don't do in front of his dad).
They kept talking to me and asking me all kind of questions.
While his mom was interested in what I was thinking to have done "such a sweet thing", his dad asked me about the road and the stops I made and "technical stuff"...
At one point he asked me if I had the right amount of air in the tires, cos it is important...
After about 20 minutes I leaned over and rested my head on Domi's lap and closed my eyes while he was stroking my hair...
I don't know if I can make you understand how important this moment was for me.
One family... no holding back... total contentedness... a feeling of... I don't know... a big reward after 10 hours... and after waiting for 2 and half weeks... HEAVEN!!!
We arrived home shortly after 10pm... Domi helped me inside and mom didn't say much... I quickly tweeted "Home. Dead. Bed" and fell asleep.
Only to wake up with a lot of pain two hours later...but yeah... worth it.
For a lot of people that little thing I did yesterday was crazy.
For me it was a necessity.
Domi has been in Bavaria with his family for what was supposed to be a 1,5 week vacation... but his dad decided to add another week to it. I missed him a lot and I was really upset. Especially in the evenings when I came home from my summer job and had time to ponder over stupid stuff...
It reached the point that on Saturday, one day before they were scheduled to come home I posted this on twitter:
I'm a total fucking loser. My friends want to hang out but I rather stay at home, hang around the internet being bored and mope about Domi
via web
fucked up. I didn't use to be like that... I'm the current goddamn western state champion in basketball... look at me... fucking loserSo I spent my Saturday being at home, doing nothing. In the evening Domi called and said this to me:
via web
Domi just called and we talked for almost an hour. He misses me. He said he wants to hug me for half an hour when he's back.I couldn't sleep and thought a lot about almost everything. I went to bed at 2:30am and maybe subconsciously made a decision:
via Twitter for iPhone
It was a beautiful Sunday morning when I decided to pack my rucksack with 5 bananas, 3 bottles of water and a few energy bars. I had a weird idea but wasn't sure if I should follow through. So I took my bike and let my legs do the thinking.
But let the tweets speak for themselves, shall we?
Call me an erratic fool. But I'm in a mcD about 35 km outside cologne. I came here by bike and I'm gonna go as far as I can towards bavaria
via Twitter for iPhone
I already spoke with his dad. They're gonna pick me up on their way back from Bavaria.
via Twitter for iPhone
Currently I'm going about 15 to 18 km an hour. By this rate I'll be in at least two different states
via Twitter for iPhone
I drank 3 bottles of water/minerals mix so far and had 3 bananas and 1 cheeseburger
via Twitter for iPhone
Wow, once you sit down and relax, your legs don't want to get up anymore.
via Twitter for iPhone
My biggest concern is my iPod's battery. It is my only source of a map. Right now a nice lady allows me to use her laptop's USB port.
via Twitter for iPhone
~~~ 2 hours later ~~~
I'm in Königswinter in a cafe waiting for a ferry boat to cross the Rhine. Then I will continue on the B9
via web
a nice man in his 60s gave me his map of the region... it ends at the state border... but I still have a bit until I reach it
via web
Here I am http://maps.google.de/maps?ll=50.665131,7.19965&spn=0.061041,0.143337&z=13&iwloc=13964904820822171281&lci=com.google.webcams
via web
~~~ another 2 and half hours later ~~~
I've arrived in Weißenthurm http://maps.google.de/maps?ll=50.415136,7.458344&spn=0.030683,0.071669&z=14 I'm exhausted. I need to peeee
via web
according to my bike computer my top speed was 32,8 km/h... my avg speed is 18,3 km/h. I am very very exhausted
via web
I just called mom and told her where I am... she freaked out... I think I have to face consequences... fuck it...
via web
fucking German laws... everywhere everything is closed cos it's Sunday... I can only get water and energy bars at gas stations... for double the price... and no bananas or fresh fruit... I ate about 10 bifi rolls so far... I'M EXHAUSTED... can someone call a TAXI? lola lot of my friends on twitter sent me awesome messages and they were very supportive and encouraging... thank you soooo much :o)
via web
guys guys... thank you so much for your tweets... I can't answer them all... I gotta leave... and please don't worry... I'm fiiine and happy
via web
~~~ another 2 hours later ~~~
I DID IIIIT. I'M IN KOBLENZ. Free wifi at BK. That last 11 km took me almost two hours
via Twitter for iPhone
I need food. Having two king fries and a triple whopper. Brb
via Twitter for iPhone
*buuuuurp* I'm full now. Ok I can't move a muscle. Seriously. They're hard like stone. I feel like I weigh twice as much. Will sit back, call Domi and try to close my eyes if that's ok with you. Thank you so much for supporting me and rooting for me. You guys are pure love. I haven't completely realized it yet. 104.6 km. That's insane. Never done anything like this before.
via Twitter for iPhone
Thank you so much for all the nice tweets. I'll get back to you asap. Now some rest. Oh, one more thing. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouuuuuuchEventually, with a delay of 40 minutes they arrived in Koblenz and picked me up.
via Twitter for iPhone
We almost never kiss or hold hands in front of his dad... I don't know why, maybe because we don't want to overload him with the gay thing... he still has a hard time with the fact that his "straight" son is in a gay relationship. But he is very very silent about that... he tries his best. He is a good person.
Anyways... Domi didn't care... he gave me one of the best hugs ever... And I don't know if it was my exhausted legs or relief that we are united again or love or whatever... but... at that moment I felt zero gravity... I couldn't move because every muscle in my body hurt and was as heavy as a rock... but at that moment in his arms... *sigh* I LOVE YOU.
His mom immediately called my mom and told her they've picked me up.
I sat in the back while Domi and his dad towed my bike to this transporting thing on the back... Domi sat next to me and held my hand (another thing we don't do in front of his dad).
They kept talking to me and asking me all kind of questions.
While his mom was interested in what I was thinking to have done "such a sweet thing", his dad asked me about the road and the stops I made and "technical stuff"...
At one point he asked me if I had the right amount of air in the tires, cos it is important...
After about 20 minutes I leaned over and rested my head on Domi's lap and closed my eyes while he was stroking my hair...
I don't know if I can make you understand how important this moment was for me.
One family... no holding back... total contentedness... a feeling of... I don't know... a big reward after 10 hours... and after waiting for 2 and half weeks... HEAVEN!!!
We arrived home shortly after 10pm... Domi helped me inside and mom didn't say much... I quickly tweeted "Home. Dead. Bed" and fell asleep.
Only to wake up with a lot of pain two hours later...but yeah... worth it.
Jul 31, 2010
footprints in my heart
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
Dear responsible adult person,
you have become an important person in my life. I think I might have mentioned on more than one occasion that I look up to you. I have almost 15,000 tweets and you're by far the person I tweet to most. Your friendship, generosity, kindness and warmth have led me to allow you a place in my heart.
Whether you want it or not, you have an impact on me. Your actions have an impact on me.
I'm sure you had a very good reason to do what you've done.
But please... please don't make the mistake of thinking it doesn't affect anybody else but you.
that being said, here's something I recorded last Wednesday and I might or might not have thought about or mentioned you... http://sexytimewithnic.tumblr.com/
Jul 29, 2010
egomaniac
ca®Lo: nic this is why i lurve you!
Nic: this? what this?
Shern: oh no! you've boosted his ego!
Nic: lol
Peter: great
Nic: lol
VBoy: nooooooo
Lloydie!: u cant boost up nics ego!
Nic: loool
VBoy: how could u
[Lloydie!: nics ego is already at the peak
Nic: it is not
Peter: his head will explode if it gets any bigger
Lloydie!: its to the point that hes given it a name
Nic: sometimes I think you guys take me for granted
Lloydie!: (rofl)
VBoy: wow :O how big can it get?
VBoy: thought mount everest is the biggest?
Lloydie!: XD
Lloydie!: nic we love u
Lloydie!: were just kidding
VBoy: up the butt
Nic: *sniff* re, re, really?
Lloydie!: yes
Lloydie!: now bend over!
Lloydie!: XD
Nic: FU
VBoy: :D
Nic: this? what this?
Shern: oh no! you've boosted his ego!
Nic: lol
Peter: great
Nic: lol
VBoy: nooooooo
Lloydie!: u cant boost up nics ego!
Nic: loool
VBoy: how could u
[Lloydie!: nics ego is already at the peak
Nic: it is not
Peter: his head will explode if it gets any bigger
Lloydie!: its to the point that hes given it a name
Nic: sometimes I think you guys take me for granted
Lloydie!: (rofl)
VBoy: wow :O how big can it get?
VBoy: thought mount everest is the biggest?
Lloydie!: XD
Lloydie!: nic we love u
Lloydie!: were just kidding
VBoy: up the butt
Nic: *sniff* re, re, really?
Lloydie!: yes
Lloydie!: now bend over!
Lloydie!: XD
Nic: FU
VBoy: :D
Jul 14, 2010
My summer job
As I'm typing this I'm making kaching...
I decided to go for a summer job since I need to earn money for my driver's licence and a new car.
Mom told me immediately that I can forget about working at the agency because they have a shitload of work to do and I would be in the way. thanks mommy... :p but she was kind enough to call her friend from another agency and get me a job there.
today is my first day and it has been good so far.
Domi surprised me at lunch and we went to BK cos there was nothing better there.
Today I earned 48 Euro... that's almost two driving lessons.
btw... it tool me 3 attempts to write this blog because I had so much to do.
I'm home now.
I decided to go for a summer job since I need to earn money for my driver's licence and a new car.
Mom told me immediately that I can forget about working at the agency because they have a shitload of work to do and I would be in the way. thanks mommy... :p but she was kind enough to call her friend from another agency and get me a job there.
today is my first day and it has been good so far.
Domi surprised me at lunch and we went to BK cos there was nothing better there.
Today I earned 48 Euro... that's almost two driving lessons.
btw... it tool me 3 attempts to write this blog because I had so much to do.
I'm home now.
Jul 12, 2010
Paying it forward
Dear Noc,Source: http://lrtackle15.blogspot.com/2010/07/finally-posting.html
I truly want to say how awesome you are! You are sweet! Kind! And just a plain great guy! You never try and give up on someone and you forgive their mistakes! You know how to joke and we all envy you and Domi! Your blog was one of the highlights of my blog reading! I want to thank you for not only introducing me to SO MANY awesome people but also you were one of the reasons I started blogging! Nic you sent a tweet saying, “Dear strangers, don’t stay unknown!” and my twitter name was mentioned in that tweet! Your tweet was one of the small inspirations to start blogging; I became known! Thank you Nic for being awesome and always staying cool when I made a bad joke! You are lucky and you are kind and you are so forgiving!
Robert
<3 Rib
Jul 9, 2010
bliss
a few days ago I wrote a post called "Arguable". Apparently he read it. Because about half an hour ago he asked me over to his house to play this to me...
iPodPadPhone users click here
He had to play it 2 more times :o)
iPodPadPhone users click here
He had to play it 2 more times :o)
Jul 7, 2010
Seventeen years
To my dear friend Dominik
For seventeen years you bring happiness to all the people around you by just smiling at them.
For Seventeen years the world has been a better place just because you are there. Maybe not 6 billion people's world, but our world. We, your family and your friends, we are blessed to have your smartness, your love and your kind soul around us. Your ability to sense people's moods and don't look away is god's gift to us. You don't look away, you take your time and talk to them and always, always make them feel better.
'Love' is being used too loosely these days.. "I love spaghetti, I love Michael Jackson, I love my new shoes"... I say that word a lot. To say I love you is an understatement times 10.
You make my life so much better. My heart beats faster whenever I think of you. And whenever I think of you, your smile is the first thing I see. It doesn't only represent your beauty but also the beauty of your soul.
You make me happy.
To my angel and my boyfriend Dominik
You took me under your wings when I came to Germany almost 6 years ago. You've been there for me, protected me, laughed with me... even laughed at me :)
you've cried with me, you've comforted me and you've held me.
your touch, your shoulder, your words have always lifted me up and made me happy again.
Little over a year ago I would have never expected us to be together as lovers.
I slowly begin to realize how much the two of us were meant to be together.
All the things you have done for me have been selfless and show your endless love.
I can only hope I get the chance for many years to show you how much I love you.
(paused to think)
See, I know what you are doing right when you read this. You're smiling and you think this is a corny love letter.
And yes, oh yes it is... I post it in here to show everyone else who hasn't had the fortune to meet you in person what you mean to me..
To my brother, my flesh and blood Dominik
you are a part of my family. IF, IF, and I say it again IF we ever part ways, my love won't change for you. You are and you always will be a part of my life. Thank you for being my friend, my lover and my brother. Thank you for being.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dominik expected a "surprise" party for his birthday. He expected it for the coming weekend. But he snooped around a bit and found out that a few of our friends are gonna leave on Friday afternoon for vacation with their families (school vacation starts on Friday in our school).
So he told me very proudly that he has found out that we plan the party on his birthday... which is today...
I told him to act surprised and not ruin it for his friends.
Of course I lied to him. What he didn't expect was the invasion to his bedroom last night at midnight.
We were 18 friends who got together at quarter to 12 at my house. everyone was on time :)
then we walked to Domi's house.
His mom knew everything about it. She told us that we can party from 12 to 1 (cause it's a school night) in their party room in the basement. She even ordered food from a caterer so Domi wouldn't be suspicious about her cooking. It was so funny to have her on my side for a secret operation. She sent me a txt message when the caterer arrived. That was so sweet, she hates "that modern technology stuff" (cell phones, lol). It must have taken her a long time to txt me "ESSEN IST DA ALLES IN ORDnung" ("FOOD IS HERE EVERYTHING IS FIne").
When we arrived at Domi's house I could log in to his wifi and tweeted that we are about to enter his house. That was risky, he could have been online. But fortunately he was in bed already. But he wasn't asleep. He was watching TV when I knocked at his door. He said "ja bitte" ("yes please"). lol, what a polite bf I have.
We all opened the door fast and flooded his room and sang happy birthday. Well, we sang HÄPPIE BÖRSDAY,...
The look on his face was priceless. He was totally red in the face... he jumped up but quickly went back under the covers... he was blushing... maybe embarrassed cause he was in his pjs :)
then his mom came in and hugged him and said happy birthday. His dad said "happy birthday, son" and put a manly hand on his shoulder... lol... then we all ran down two floors to the basement while we gave Domi time to get dressed.
His mom has been awesome... she had decorated the room and had put up the food all in silence so Domi wouldn't find out. It was a big surprise to him when he came down.
We played music and partied until 2am... his parents had to throw us out. His dad actually came in and pulled the plug to the stereo :P
Oh, I won't tell you what I got him yet, cause he hasn't gotten all of his presents from me yet, but I've shown him one thing already that my friend KS has found and I've ordered it already.
So here it is, I wonder if you all will get it. Domi is already in love with it...
:o)
Jun 25, 2010
Arguable
Hypothetical question: when someone you know has an incredible talent in something you so wish you had talent in yourself and that person doesn't make the most of it and this person happens to be your business because he is your boyfriend, are you allowed to get mad at him and not force but push him towards the right path because you only want his best? Yes or no?
Jun 21, 2010
Dear friend...
...think about it.
you self destructive
little boy
pick yourself up
don't blame the world
so you screwed up
but you're gonna be ok
now call your friend
and apologize
you pushed him pretty
far away last night
he really loves you
you just don't always love yourself.
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
think all the mean girls
that pulled your hair
are barefoot now and
pregnant there
and you write pop songs
and get to travel
round the world
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
so you've had some detours
some stupid men
now we know what not
to do again
besides you lucked out
finally
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
<4
you self destructive
little boy
pick yourself up
don't blame the world
so you screwed up
but you're gonna be ok
now call your friend
and apologize
you pushed him pretty
far away last night
he really loves you
you just don't always love yourself.
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
think all the mean girls
that pulled your hair
are barefoot now and
pregnant there
and you write pop songs
and get to travel
round the world
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
so you've had some detours
some stupid men
now we know what not
to do again
besides you lucked out
finally
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
<4
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